


trigger

by prince_sungho (fusionspeaks)



Category: 1TEAM (Band)
Genre: Affairs, Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Alternate Universe - Mob, Betrayal, Character Death, Established Relationship, Eventual Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Gang Violence, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Past Character Death, Slow Build, Slow Burn, this is a long fic, we're stirring this pot and letting it stew properly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2020-07-21 06:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 30,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19997101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fusionspeaks/pseuds/prince_sungho
Summary: A mob boss' lover and a bodyguard working under that boss - that's who Lee Jinwoo and Jin Sungho are. Their only common connection is Lee Rubin, a man who is hot tempered and prone to impulsive violent outbursts if left unchecked. Jin Sungho knows there are lines not to be crossed, he has seen what comes of it and Jinwoo is just another daydream...until the universe changes the order of their lives.On the other hand, there are eyes watching over Sungho. After all, Sungho has skeletons in his closet which he has been guarding well yet someone wants nothing more than to drag them out - and bring Sungho down.





	1. ONE

**Author's Note:**

> ++ hey it's me prince_sungho!! Back at it with another fic!!  
> ++ now, don't yell at me, i know i have two ongoing fics BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT. trigger has been in the works for almost a month with over 65 pages written already so it's actually 50% done already in drafts.  
> ++ therefore, this fic has an updating schedule: trigger will have a new chapter once a week, every Saturday (MY/SG time)  
> ++ the fic will be told in multiple pov and each chapter will usually have two pov  
> ++ this is my first time writing this au, so i'm a bit nervous but i will try my best. i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoy writing it  
> ++ follow me on twt @sunghosnose !!

“Things aren’t going down well, boss,” Lee Junghoon says, his emotionless expression complementing those pair of lifeless eyes. Lee Jinwoo watches the younger team leader take off his black gloves, laying them down on Rubin’s table. Despite the dark shade of the glove, Jinwoo’s eyes are trained to notice the traces of fresh, red blood on it. Someone did not make it past today. 

Jinwoo sits quietly, like a mouse, as he usually does when Rubin’s subordinates comes into their studio. He toys with the rubix cube in his grasp, although he isn’t good at solving it. It’s just one of the things Jinwoo does when he needs to pass the time and pretend he isn’t eavesdropping on Rubin’s business. Rubin knows he’s listening, but he prefers it if Jinwoo acts like he doesn’t. To be a fool, a mindless lover of the mob boss who only knows how to fuck and nothing else.

Rubin takes a drag of his cigarette, exhaling calmly. He is always the perfect representation of calmness. Jinwoo has seen his lover in near-death situations, has seen him come face to face with a gun to his temple and under pressure - never once did Lee Rubin falter. He remains uncaring of the situation, almost detached. He watches as Rubin gently place his cigarette on the expensive, gem ash tray.

“I know they aren’t going well. It’s expected.” Rubin finally speaks, offering a somewhat cynical smile to his Number Three.

Junghoon, who is younger than Jinwoo himself, maintains a brave face. He does not break eye contact, replying curtly to his boss. “They’re going to come after us, boss. Lee Min Ki isn’t going to sit back after you killed off his top men.”

“And what of it?” Rubin spreads his arms, his body leaning forward slightly. Jinwoo picks up on the sarcasm - Rubin does what he wants, and he knows the results of what he does. People who work with him should know that. He makes a mess, and he cleans it up, but if there are leftovers, Rubin doesn’t do the cleaning himself.

“Junghoon,” Rubin calls out, and the boy steps forward as if on cue. “Lee Min Ki will want me dead, like every man before him wants me dead. Look where they are now, Hoon. I might need to lay low, but I am not scared. No man will kill me and do you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because I will slit their throats before they can even finish thinking if they should take a knife or a gun when they see me.”

Rubin leans into his chair. He takes the cigarette from the ashtray, and smokes it again, puffing them out in Junghoon’s direction. Junghoon still stands in front of his boss, unperturbed by the smoke stinging his eyes, waiting for an order of dismissal which still hasn’t come from Rubin. Jinwoo silently plays with his rubix cube, peering over to see Rubin swishing his whiskey before taking a huge gulp.

“Get out...and call Sungho, that bastard. Tell him to see me when he gets back.”

Junghoon bows, taking his glove from the surface of Rubin’s table. Jinwoo’s eyes follow Junghoon’s movement as he walks out of the room. Junghoon notices him, as he turns to look at Jinwoo for a few seconds, stopping in his tracks. Then, he turns away again, unfriendly as ever, and closes the door behind him.

Rubin lets out a relieved sigh. He rises from his chair, pushing it back. Jinwoo smiles at his lover, who is now walking towards him. Rubin might have a tacky sense of style with those tight pants and crazy, graphic print shirts, but he is handsome. He is almost like a God - and maybe he is, since men lived and died by his hands. Jinwoo scoots over to make space for Rubin on the loveseat.

“Babe, sorry you had to hear that,” Rubin says, reaching out to caress his cheeks. Jinwoo leans into the warm touch, placing his hand over Rubin’s.

“It’s just your job, and you know I’m used to it,” he scrunches his nose, attempting to make a cute angry face. Rubin laughs, holding his face between his hands.

“I know that a man like me… participate in...awful things,” Rubin starts, looking into Jinwoo’s eyes with a fondness that he knows is only reserved for him. Nobody else gets the benefit of seeing this side of Lee Rubin. “A man like me kills more than he loves, and it makes me feel like the worst sinner.”

Jinwoo shakes his head, quickly pinching Rubin’s nose. “You’re not, you’re...not your mistakes and bad things. I still love you.”

“It’s amazing what these hands can do, huh?” Rubin comments, as he holds Jinwoo’s chin. He smiles widely upon feeling the mob boss’ fingers gliding smoothly on his skin. Jinwoo loves it when Rubin is delicate, especially with him. 

  
Rubin doesn’t ask, not that he needs to because Jinwoo knows what he wants. Rubin leans in for a kiss, touching their lips, and though Jinwoo spends every night with Rubin, though they always touch, always kiss, he can’t help feeling an aching sense of longing for him. He’s always hungry for Rubin’s hands on him and his lips on every inch of his body. So Jinwoo kisses him back with much intensity, arms wrapping around Rubin’s neck, their lips moving almost as though they are dancing in tandem to a rhythm.

His lover’s hands are wild, and when they make contact with his skin, Jinwoo shudders. With Rubin, it’s messy kisses, intense love making and crawling hands. It’s heated, exhausting and crazy. Jinwoo can sense what Rubin needs are when his lover bites on his lips and he moans.

“Baby, do we need to go back to our room, or is the sofa fine?” Rubin manages to say in between heavy breaths, his lips now roaming, biting Jinwoo’s collarbones.

Holding his lover’s hair in a tight fist, mewling, Jinwoo replies, “Here is fine, but they might walk in on us.”

“Shut up, it’s not like it’s the first time anyone saw you getting fucked by me,” his lover answers rather crudely, but he takes no offense. Rubin is a little rude, a teensy bit rough when he’s in the mood. He learns that the first night they met, and the only things filling his ears were dirty words - words that he doesn’t actually say to Jinwoo when he isn’t at the pinnacle of his urges.

Jinwoo nods his agreement, laying underneath his lover, arching his back. He returns every kiss earnestly, responds to every touch like a cat in heat. He’s noisy when they have sex, he won’t stop calling Rubin’s name, won’t stop moaning, but apparently it’s what Rubin likes.

“You act like we haven’t had sex just last night,” Rubin says, his voice raspy and low. Jinwoo doesn’t reply, instead making whimpering noises when his pants are removed and Rubin’s hands now roam dangerously on his inner thighs. He really find himself at a loss for words when things gets...too much between them. 

“You’re so hot, babe,” Rubin whispers in his ears, as he positions himself, face so close to Jinwoo, his warm breath evident, “Can’t wait to screw you again.”

  
  


Jinwoo spreads his legs wrapping them around Rubin’s waist, watching Rubin undress in front of him. He still can’t believe that such a breathtaking person exists, and chooses to love him, even if this person isn’t the most innocent one. Rubin is ready to enter him, holding Jinwoo’s wrists way above his head with a sneaky smile.

“You don’t get to touch yourself or me, babe.”

At this point, Jinwoo knows he should be used to someone opening the door to the studio, and walking in on them. It happens one too many times already. Nonetheless, he still can’t stop himself from blushing, and instinctively covering his chest when the door opens, like it does right now. Once the door opens, both he and Rubin turn around to see Sungho at the door frame.

The quiet, but meticulous ‘butcher’ stares at them momentarily before regaining his senses. Rubin doesn’t mind people seeing him like this, so after just a quick look at who’s at the door, he goes back to focusing his energy on Jinwoo. Sungho, who knows that he isn’t to speak a word of what he had just witnessed, dips his head. When he raises his head, their eyes meet for a second and Jinwoo notices something in Sungho’s eyes that never exists in Junghoon’s - a sense of empathy, a hint of sadness, something that would make a person human.

The moment lasts only briefly, and soon Rubin’s most trusted man leaves the room, the door closing quietly, as if he never entered in the first place. Jinwoo forgets about Sungho again, immersing himself in the man hovering above him, adjusting himself to Rubin who’s now inside him, thrusting.

Sex with Rubin is always rough, maybe a little kinky - not that he ever gets choked. However, gentleness is not his lover’s forte and Jinwoo isn’t complaining. He likes how hot and messy they become in the end, the stickiness clinging to his inner thighs and how Rubin takes care of him after. Sometimes, he wonders what’s it like to be loved gently and whenever Jinwoo thinks about that, his mind always gravitates to Sungho. He doesn’t know why, but perhaps the difference in character between the two men makes him think about Sungho being a gentler lover.

  
He shouldn’t think of someone else when he’s with Rubin though. So Jinwoo shuts off any stray thoughts he might have. He refocuses on his lover, moaning with every deep thrust, leaving scratches on Rubin’s back, following the quickening pace by bucking his hips. He’s really good at fucking, Jinwoo thought.

* * *

Sungho settles down in his tiny bedroom, tucked in a more isolated corner of the huge mansion. His boss had offered him a bigger space as befits someone he wants to keep close but Sungho turns it down. He figures that someone like him, who has no space for others, would only require a bed to sleep on and a few other minuscule furniture. He takes out the Glock he has tucked behind him and softly places them on his side table. 

He returns as soon as he got the call from Junghoon that Rubin wants to see him. He was off doing a routine check on their gambling rooms and clubs, just to see if anything is amiss, especially after that stunt Rubin decided to pull on the Vipers under Lee Min Ki. Things are not going to end well and trouble is brewing in the distance, he senses it. Sungho needs to be in top form, should it ever come down to violence. 

Sungho takes off his shoes and lies down on his single bed. Staring up at the blank ceiling, he suddenly recalls what transpires earlier. He arrives back at the mansion within a matter of minutes, driving at an insane speed and risking a ticket just to get back to see his boss. Junghoon makes it out as if there is some sort of emergency. Yet when he arrives and pushes open the door to the studio, he instead saw his boss having sex with his boy lover.

It isn’t the first time. Such encounters are not strange in the mansion, and every person who works here would have witnessed it at least once. But it’s something that should be private and running into that scene will always make Sungho feel out of place. Not to mention, whenever he walks in on them, Lee Jinwoo would actually spare him a glance. His doe eyes staring up at him, those red swollen lips and with an expression of childlike innocence. He isn’t sure how to feel when their eyes locks for a few seconds, so he just drops it and leave.

  
  
He still remembers the night Rubin decided he wants Jinwoo for a lover. It wasn’t anything romantic, and Sungho knows this because he was the one to put them together. On a night out at one of their clubs, Rubin went along just to check their businesses and how it was coming along. It was at Dawn Nightclub that they saw each other for the first time, and hit it off. Jinwoo was still in university at the time, out with the boys from the same course. What Rubin wants, he gets and that still hasn’t changed. He set his eyes on the sweet-looking boy, and Sungho did some of the leg work to get them together. 

Now, they’ve become inseparable. Jinwoo tags along everywhere except during some occasions. It’s funny how such a prim and proper person gets accustomed to the lifestyle of violence, drugs and deaths. Jinwoo lives a double life, going to university, meeting his friends as usual and later come home to the stark reality of the person he chose to be with. It isn’t his place to question that, though. In fact, the most important lesson he learns in this trade, is that there are many things you should not concern yourself with, unless you are directly involved with it. His conscience, his opinions - they don’t matter and nobody cares, least of all a man like Rubin and his angelic lover boy.

Sungho sighs, turning on his side, his entire weight on his left side. It’s such a lonely life, and it has made Sungho a man of few words. He stares at the empty, white wall, remnants of its former occupants present with the traces of where a poster would have hung once. Slowly, he closes his eyes, allowing himself to finally relax in the privacy of his own room, his rigid muscles loosening. 

Jin Sungho, quietly, falls asleep, dreaming of something he will never attain again, something he’ll always miss; the warmth of another human body enveloping him, skin on skin.


	2. TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ TW (?) Some violence is used, but non-graphic and of course, crass language

“Are you telling me that Bae Sang Jin is siphoning some of our profits?” Rubin demands, his usually sarcastic yet cheery demeanour morphing into a much more serious expression. Sungho knows that face. That’s anger, a ticking time bomb, waiting to blow up if another misstep is to occur. Rubin’s piercing stare, that steely gaze, he doesn’t fix it on one particular person, darting between every single one of his men, Sungho included.

The air within the luxurious basement conference room is tense. Everyone seems like they’re holding their breath, the nervousness obvious in their faces, some of them flinching at an invisible threat. Sungho can hear the ticking sound -  _ tick! tick! tick! -  _ ringing in his ears, and in his head, Sungho is counting down to disaster because it is a matter of seconds before the bomb goes off. A bomb named Lee Rubin.

“This dog, this bastard, he has been siphoning twenty-five percent every month from the night club in Apgujeong!  _ Twenty-five! _ Is this a joke to you, idiot?” Rubin’s hand is quick to grab a file from the table, hitting the head of the poor underling who happens to stand in front of him multiple times. “Fucking idiots, you can’t even figured this out sooner?”

Rubin drops the file, or to be specific, he hurls it to the other side of the room, yelling. The fuming mob boss is heaving now, his hands settling on his hips, his perfectly combed hair now a mess. His face is red with anger, he’s seething and trying his best not to combust with so much fury but the rage is not one that’s easy to contain. Lee Rubin never takes betrayals well, everyone knows this yet there are always brave souls along the way who dares to cross this psychotic bastard. Some nerve they have, Sungho thinks, watching the entire scene unfold before him.

“Who was supposed to check on Sang Jin?” Rubin looks over at the men in front of him, an eyebrow raised. His voice is softer, but it is firm, unfriendly, cold. “I said, whose job was it to keep the  _ dog  _ on a short leash?”

A jittery, nervous hand rises among the men, a baby-faced boy, perhaps not older than twenty-six, in a suit and tie. One of those ‘professionals’ they recruited, because Rubin said every business, even illegal ones, needed someone with more brains than brute. However, it seems to Sungho, that maybe the brains isn’t always so smart, too virtuous to catch on the ways the underworld works. Their minds are wired differently. That isn’t an excuse though, for this ‘mistake’, and Rubin obviously would not accept it.

The mob boss doesn’t waste time to ask the boy why he’d allow such a mistake or to explain himself for his stupidity. He clearly doesn’t want to listen to it. Perhaps the younger boy already expects it but it still doesn’t take away the apparent expression of surprise on his face when Rubin’s hand landed on his cheeks. Once. Then twice. Then thrice. Until the boy’s lips bleed, until he staggers on his knees, like a man begging for his life, which isn’t entirely untrue.

  
It’s only then that Rubin brings his feet up, his expensive Gucci shoes, and settles it on the boy’s right shoulder. “Listen to me. You’re working with me because your stupid, gambling father can’t pay his debts. I can’t kill you because you need to work until you pay off that two million Won debt you’ve got with me.”

He steps on the boy’s shoulder harder and the boy winces in pain. “Ah!”

“Work better, idiot. If you keep making up problems, I might run you over before you can even finish paying off your debts.”

“I apologize, Mr Lee, please, I’ll do a better job next time!” The boy cries, holding on to Rubin’s leg, desperate. Sungho sees the slight smirk on Rubin’s face, the look of triumph and power. He lets out a sigh, placing his feet down.

“I don’t care how you do it, but I want Sang Jin in a concrete slab.” Rubin smiles, his eyes twinkling, as if he’d just ordered his men to make him a cake. “Traitors don’t even deserve to be buried.”

It’s at this exact moment that Rubin turns his body to face Sungho, that darn smirk still on his face. What a psycho. He says, “Sungho, you can help the kid manage this…error, right?”

Sungho nods, smiling courteously. “Yes, sir. I’ll see to it by tonight.”

“Yes, you will. See, everyone,” Rubin clicks his fingers, commanding attention from the rest of the men, before pointing at Sungho with his index. “Work diligently like Sungho here, will you?”

“Yes, sir!”

Rubin mumbles a bit more but Sungho has tuned his ears out by then, standing idly until Rubin is done. He follows Rubin out when the man ushers him to come. They have more business to attend to this evening, things to check, and of course, Rubin might want to personally see Bae Sang Jin for some farewell before he sends that old man to his death. Sungho is Rubin’s favourite bodyguard, so he’s always in tow to protect him and to do the dirty work when Rubin wants his own hands clean.

  
  
They’re on their way out of the grand, French colonial style mansion when Sungho catches sight of Lee Junghoon by the door frame. Rubin walks ahead, unaware that Sungho has halted in his tracks to speak with the junior security member who’s currently growing on Rubin. Just some kid they picked up from the slums who said he wanted a job and he can fight well.

Sungho gives Junghoon a warm smile, seeing the other as a little brother he never had the chance to have but the younger one remains indifferent, unresponsive like a mute. Junghoon looks back at Sungho, devoid of any shred of emotion. He simply tips his head slightly out of respect for Sungho’s seniority. “Have a good day, Sungho.”

“Jeez, you’re so serious. Lighten up a bit, I’m not your enemy.” Sungho chides, a half-hearted attempt at a joke. Junghoon remains as stiff as a rock.

Sungho’s smile falters from his lips. He decides to give Junghoon’s arm a pat when Rubin screams for him from the car. “What the fuck are you standing there for, I’ve got a schedule! Get in, Sungho!”

“I’ll see you around,” Sungho tries again, meekly. He turns on his heels, running towards the car, getting in on the other side. Junghoon still stands by the door, an imposing, dark figure, staring out at their car in the driveway. In some ways, Junghoon always makes him feel slightly uncomfortable yet he still attempts to befriend the ice prince of the security team. He’s never gotten more than five words out of the kid though.

“Oh, shit,” Rubin blurts out of the blue, remembering something, and he lowers his window. Junghoon is still standing where he was earlier, and Rubin must have noticed him. “Junghoon, look after my baby! Don’t let him go out alone!”

Still, Junghoon doesn’t even reply with a courteous ‘yes, sir’. All he does, is bow forty-five degrees to denote he understood the orders. Then, he turns around and walks back into the mansion, his well-built figure fading into the humongous mansion they all call home. Rubin watches until the boy disappears from view as well, before informing the driver that they can move.

“He’s either a fucking mute or a fucking psycho.” Rubin laughs, throwing his head back on the seat as they drive away, the mansion growing smaller gradually in the rear view mirror.

“Maybe he is, sir.” Sungho answers, rather seriously, but Rubin thinks he’s joking as he laughs again. Truth be told, something about Junghoon doesn’t sit right with Sungho. Even from the start, it’s as if Junghoon wants to compete with Sungho, for his position, and he’s always unkind to him whilst he makes the bare minimum effort to speak with others.

Perhaps Sungho is just paranoid. You can develop paranoia in this field, thinking everyone is out to get you. Sungho places the myriad of thoughts and anxiety he has on the back burner, opting to not dwell on something as trivial as that. He silently sits beside Rubin as he blabbers on, giving replies wherever appropriate and does his job, as always.

* * *

Jinwoo is in the master bedroom, still wearing his bathrobe, fresh, the smell of blood orange coming from him strong. Rubin says he has the day off, but he needs to settle a few things at the office before he can give his full attention to Jinwoo. So Jinwoo decides to clean himself, drawing a bath with all those expensive, scented oils they bought on their trip to Europe. He makes the effort to organize the room too, because he does miss Rubin immensely. They haven’t seen much of each other since the day Rubin left with Sungho for work, Jinwoo longingly looking at that darn car leaving the property.

Instead of seeing his lover, holding him and sleeping by his side, Rubin has been away and the times he came back, he’s too busy to spare more than five minutes with Jinwoo. It almost makes Jinwoo feels like a lost cat, so accustomed to someone else being with him that whenever he’s left to his own devices, he isn’t quite sure what to do with the time. It doesn’t help either that Rubin left him with Junghoon, that goddamn mute security kid. Sungho would at least talk and pretend to entertain Jinwoo but Junghoon just grunts, nods and shakes his head. The way he acts drives Jinwoo up the wall.

He plops down on the double bed, lying calmly, a giddy feeling coursing through him. He’s got his eyes closed, imagining the evening, thinking of Rubin. The entire world is being shut out as he slips into his own world, which is why the following sequence of events comes as a shock to him.

  
  


Jinwoo doesn’t know when it happens, the gunshots and sounds of glass breaking, the noisiness shaking him from his own reverie. He wonders where the commotion is coming from, getting up on his feet and rushing to the nearest window. The sight Jinwoo sees outside the window sends a jolt of dread through him. He’s seeing men - men he sees here everyday and men whose faces he doesn’t recognize. Jinwoo sees some familiar faces lying, blood matting their hair. Are they dead?

The door to his room swings opens soon and Jinwoo is alarmed, looking over his shoulder to see who has entered his room. Sungho rushes in and grabs his wrist, muttering ‘come, this is for your safety’ while the other bodyguard, Junghoon comes in, taking out Jinwoo’s designer suitcase from the wardrobe, randomly picking clothes and toiletries, throwing them senselessly into the luggage. 

“Wait, why are we taking the luggage? What happened down there?” He asks, almost screaming even, in quick succession, the panic rising with every syllable. “Where’s my Rubin? Where are we going? There’s dead people on the fucking lawn!”

Junghoon, quiet as usual, does not answer, piling clothes and items almost mechanically, like a factory machine, before zipping the luggage. Sungho looks over at him and Jinwoo sees Junghoon gives a slight nod. He’s becoming even more perplexed, and he’s more than certain it reflects in his eyes and demeanour. Sungho catches on, grabbing Jinwoo by the shoulder, looking into his eyes with a clear look of seriousness.

“Rubin upset some people, people we underestimated and they’ve just entered the property, retaliating. We’ve evacuated your boyfriend safely, and now we’re here to take you out of this place without even a single cut on your precious body while my boys can still hold the fort. Rubin is waiting for you. Got it?”

“B-but who did Rubin upset? Is he okay?” Jinwoo responds, sounding rather weak, whatever energy he had earlier dwindling. There is clear evidence of worry glazing his tone. “I’m scared, Sungho.”

  
  
The entire situation, the unceasing sound of violence unfolding around the house is making him scared. He thinks his knees might give way. He knows violence is part and parcel of this business, and he’s seen things normal people would not, but the violence, the blood, the fucking murder - they never enter their home, never at their doorsteps. It’s always at bay, at some basement in another property, in the night clubs Rubin owns. They’re like a looming menace, but always at bay, always just a story and a hearsay. Today though, it’s right in front of Jinwoo, and he doesn’t know how he is to react as fear grips him.

Sungho doesn’t answer him, taking Jinwoo’s hands in his own firm grasp. “Just trust me, for now. You will live through this, okay?”

Jinwoo can hear his own breathing, loud. He finally realizes how he’s shaking like a leaf now. From his peripheral, he sees Junghoon leaving the room with his luggage, calm and composed, as if there isn’t a bloodbath happening as they speak. Sungho knows that Jinwoo isn’t focusing on him, so he grabs Jinwoo’s chin, delicate rather than rough, and forces him to look at Sungho.

“Trust me.”

Jinwoo nods, squeezing Sungho’s hand. He trusts Sungho.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ From this point on, the story will build up slowly! The first two chapters are meant to set the tone and is the foundation of the story!  
> ++ Early update because I will be busy on Saturday and might not be able to post a new chapter!  
> ++ Please leave me comments and kudos, they are motivating and I love reading your thoughts  
> ++ In my drafts, this story has already reached its midpoint so hopefully, I'll wrap it up soon! I can't wait for you to read the rest of the story!


	3. THREE

Rubin is in the car, all wrapped up under a heavy blanket, sunglasses on his eyes and a hint of dry blood on the side of his head. The usually hot-tempered and loud mob boss is uncharacteristically quiet throughout their entire drive to the company’s safe house, about three hours from Seoul. Junghoon looks at the man who settled himself on the backseat through the rear view mirror. His boss, despite their hasty escape just an hour ago, insists that Jinwoo be placed in another car with Jin Sungho driving him to the safe house - the same safe house Junghoon is headed as well. He says, if, in the event that Lee Min Ki’s men caught up with them, at least Jinwoo won’t be close-by or in the same doomed car. At least, Rubin says, Jinwoo has a chance of making it with Sungho and a few other men whom he sent off to be with his lover.

Junghoon isn’t a talkative person, a complete contrast to Rubin yet somehow even he feels uncomfortable at the lack of conversation, as though there is something that he can’t quite put his figure on is hanging in the air contained within this vehicle. It certainly doesn’t help to alleviate the awkwardness that he’s the only one accompanying Rubin. Seemingly reading his mind, Junghoon hears Rubin clearing his throat and a quick glance at the rear view mirror offers the sight of the mob boss taking off his sunglasses, casting it aside on the empty seat next to him.

“I almost died today.  _ Almost _ .”

“You’re completely safe now, sir.” Junghoon responds, robot-like, his face betraying none of the thoughts he’d thought of less than a minute before.

“Of course I am, but that doesn’t mean I’m completely safe until that pig is dead, right?”

Junghoon peers at the rear view mirror again and sees Rubin’s eyes staring back at him. The rage within those eyes has ceased but what replaced it is worse. Wickedness. A feral thirst for...for what? Most likely revenge, or death of the one who dared to lay a hand on this madman, dared step foot on his property and attempted to take what he considered was rightfully his. Immediately, Junghoon tears his gaze, mumbling a low ‘yes’.

“You must think I’m a crazy bastard. You don’t have to deny it, because everybody thinks so and I agree. I am impulsive, temperamental and I have bad anger issues. I’m especially possessive of what’s mine and if anyone wants the same thing I do, then I need to eliminate them. How dare they even lust for what’s mine?”

Rubin nods, as if he is explaining to himself what a terrible person he’s become. Junghoon doesn’t respond, allowing Rubin the space to continue his audible monologue as the vehicle passes a cabbage farm, strips upon strips of land filling their sight.

“I’ll kill him soon.”

  
Those words which Rubin throws into the air is spoken with such a nonchalant, detached tone, the way you ask what’s for breakfast this morning or if the television is on in the living room. Junghoon knows Rubin - perhaps not as well as Jin Sungho - but he knows  _ some things _ . He knows that Rubin has no sympathy for traitors but rewards his loyalists well. He knows the solution to most problems the mob boss encounters is death, and its more lenient counterpart is blackmail or illegal organ harvesting. Rubin too, Junghoon learns, lacks the traits that would make a person human - empathy. In some ways, he and Rubin aren’t too different. Yet there is  _ someone _ who makes this monster human, and it’s the petulant, youthful, starry-eyed boy in the car trailing behind them, two hundred meters apart.

Rubin doesn’t trust easily, but he trusts his lover and Jin Sungho. Junghoon wishes he has some of that trust after having worked under this man for almost five years. Rubin doesn’t - and maybe he never will - trust Junghoon the way he trusts Sungho and Junghoon is slightly envious of that.  _ Slightly.  _ He wonders, as the car swerves towards an untarred path, how Rubin would react if he knew Jin Sungho. The  _ real  _ Jin Sungho that Junghoon saw multiple times during moments in which the older man experienced a lapse in judgement. The Jin Sungho who has done things he most likely shouldn’t.

Would Rubin kill Sungho, if he knew?

* * *

Sungho watches from the inside as Jinwoo rushes out of their sedan as soon as it came to a halt. Rubin, standing as handsome and primly as he usually does, waits with open arms by the safe house’s gate, pulling his lover boy into an embrace. Jinwoo is yelling at the top of his lungs, calling Rubin’s name, muttering, in jumbled sentences and with much panic, his worries, how he feels like the world around him came crashing down. The boy sure does have a flair for the dramatic, he thought momentarily.

Rubin, with Jinwoo now within his reach, hugged his lover tightly, as if they’d been separated for years. He holds the boy so tightly, his arms clasped firmly around Jinwoo’s waist while he rests the side of his cheeks on top of Jinwoo’s head. The sight of it is perhaps too sweet, too romantic for Sungho as he finds himself slightly uneasy. He quickly tears his eyes from the loving couple, opting instead to reorganize his disheveled appearance before stepping out of the car.

His boss loosens his hold on Jinwoo when he sees Sungho approaching the gate. Sungho remains business-like, a slight tip of the head while his right hand busy themselves with buttoning the front of his suit. Rubin smiles upon seeing him, as though glad to see that Sungho, for the most part, escaped the chaos back at their mansion without so much as a mark upon his face. Completely unscathed. Although Rubin is younger than Sungho, he never addresses him politely and he has somehow become accustomed to the informal tone and attitude.

Sure enough, as soon as Sungho is within Rubin’s reach, the mob boss pats his cheek playfully, the laugh coming out of his mouth filled with mirth. He doesn’t have much love for Rubin but it’s not like he dislikes him either, not entirely although some may say he has reasons to detest the man. It’s simply a cordial, business relationship he has with Rubin, borne more out of the need for survival rather than love. Naturally, Sungho’s lips carves into a smile, and he can feel Rubin’s warm hand resting ever so comfortably on his face.

“I’m glad you’re alive, Sungho.”

Sungho knows Rubin says that in earnest. He softly grabs Rubin’s wrist, giving it a light squeeze. “If I died, who’ll take care of you, boss?”

“You’re absolutely correct.”

Rubin’s hand leaves his face soon, and it’s strange how Sungho notices the way the warmth leaves as well, the cold early spring wind hitting him in full force instead. He sees, from his peripheral, the barely speaking Junghoon standing close-by, hands politely in front of him. Rubin now moves to stand in the middle and ushers everyone to come closer, to surround him in a semi-circle and it’s only then does Sungho takes note of the arrival of a face he hasn’t seen since Jeonju about six years back. Dainty, delicate and elegant-looking as ever, Moon Jehyun steps forward with much assurance. The lanky, comely man offers him a smile, the dimples appearing.

“I don’t wanna think about retaliating, not yet.” Rubin starts abruptly, without any grand introduction for whatever it is he wishes to say. The brown-haired, slender leader, now only in his Hanes t-shirt and short Mizuno pants, look so much more like the youth of twenty-nine years that he actually is, Sungho realises. Sometimes, Rubin’s age gets clouded, forgotten, when people only remember him as merciless and cold-blooded. Even Sungho too, forgets.

“I need to clear my head first. My safety is a top priority right now because all of you,” and Rubin points his finger at everyone in the crowd, “except you baby; all of you saw how that bastard sent his best, Park , to murder  _ me _ . In  _ my  _ office with  _ my  _ own golf club.”

Sungho can register the change in tone, body language. Rubin is seething and his impulsive nature would propel him to act without much long term thought. It seems however, the close call happening in his own space might make Rubin think twice about jumping the wagon without a proper plan. Sure enough, Rubin conveys such intention when he opens his mouth again.

“If it’s up to me, I would go to that bastard’s building right now and shoot him myself. We know I can’t risk that though, given our current..situation. I’m sure he’ll know by now that I’m still fucking breathing and he’ll surely want my head as a trophy, that cunning, old prick. So I’ll have to lie low, and so will the rest of you.”

Jinwoo, quiet as a mouse while he listens to Rubin’s words, finally makes a move. Sungho eyes the handsome man who starts to walk forward, inching closer towards his boss. Rubin’s hard expression morphs into a softer, demure countenance once Jinwoo touches his hand, as though his lover is the antidote to his rage, the only person capable of bringing forth a sense of safety and peace within the chaos of his existence. 

“Honey, what about me?” Jinwoo asks in his usual pleading tone, those doe eyes imploring for answers.

Rubin visibly sigh, his entire frame almost drooping, shoulders falling. Sungho sees Rubin screwing his eyes shut and he knows exactly what that means. There’s going to be unpleasant news, something that will surely upset Jinwoo once he hears it. Jinwoo knows too, perhaps even more so than Sungho, for he shares the bed with Rubin every night. Somehow that thought sends a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“What is it?”

“I won’t be staying here with you, love.” Rubin confesses, and it is one of the few rare moments in which Sungho registers the genuine sadness glazing his tone, his voice trembling slightly. 

“What? But the safe house is here,” Jinwoo says, the second clause sounding more like a question rather than a statement.

“I have another safe house, more hidden than this place. I’ll go there, and you’ll stay here,” Sungho sees that Jinwoo is ready to protest but Rubin holds Jinwoo’s face between his hands, signalling for him to calm down and listen. “If I ever get caught, I don’t want you in the same place as me, love. I want you to have a chance to run away, even if I’m not around.”

Jinwoo, scared and naive Jinwoo, seems to take the sweet parting words to heart. His body now shakes violently as his eyes yields the tears they’d been holding back for God knows how long. Sungho guesses that Jinwoo had wanted to cry since he was in the bedroom at the mansion but had feigned a steely exterior as befits the lover of a man like Rubin. In the end, he’s still just a weak boy and all he can do is cry, choking sobs, ugly cries, body trembling while holding onto Rubin. The older of the two simply holds Jinwoo, soothing him with pats on the back and whispering words too far away for Sungho’s ear to catch on.

Sungho decides to step away then, sensing that Rubin isn’t intending to speak more. He crosses the distance to come up to Moon Jehyun who also seems to be making his way towards Sungho. The two men meet each other halfway. Jehyun smiles at him, his carefree vibe exuding itself. His former partner sticks his hand out for a handshake and Sungho reluctantly grabs it.

“Glad to see you again after many years. You haven’t come by this place even for a visit.” Jehyun starts, his half-smile more like a sarcastic smirk. Sungho forces a weak smile across his face, not uttering any words in response. 

“The boy will stay here with you, Rubin told me. And that guy over there.” Jehyun points at Junghoon with a slight gesture of the head in the guy’s direction. Sungho’s eyes trains itself on Junghoon who’s milling about the property’s lawn, hands in his pockets, eyes fixed on the plants grown at the lawn’s tiny garden. 

“Rubin called me before he got here, and I know you’ll ask me why that mad dog isn’t taking you with him to the other safe house so I’ll give it to you, yeah?” Jehyun raises a brow, placing a cigarette between his lips, lighting it. He draws in the cigarette sharply, puffing out the smoke into the rigid air of the surrounding thick forest. “He just wants the boy safe, safer than his own damn self. So he says he puts Jinwoo under you and Junghoon’s care while I’m responsible for keeping house order, as I always have done.”

“That’s strange.”

“It isn’t strange. You’ve just never loved or cared for someone, Sungho, at least in the past couple of years.” Jehyun states, his eyes stretching wider, not in surprise but more in a way to emphasise the fact he’d just relay. “You’ve been on your own too long, you tend to forget a simple thing; Rubin loves that kid and well, even if he’s a fucking monster, he loves that boy enough to want to protect him more than himself. It’s what love makes you do, even if that love comes from a fucked up place, if you get me.”

Sungho sneered, scowling. “Since when were you so darn romantic?”

“I always have been, you know that.” Jehyun eyes him with what Sungho regards as a slight distaste. Understandable, because he and Jehyun go way back and it’s not always pretty, even way back. “It seems you’ve forgotten a lot about me as well.”

“I have.” He replies, stern, no sugar coating.   
  


Sungho turns his back on Jehyun when he sees Rubin walking towards the house, Jinwoo hanging on his arm like a needy child. He doesn’t look back to notice the inquisitive eyes of Lee Junghoon, burning into him, searing, wondering what bond he has with the hitman turned caretaker. Nor does he notice Moon Jehyun’s gaze, lingering a little too long on him until Sungho disappears into the safe house, so Jehyun has no option but to quit looking at the man he thinks Sungho still is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ ehehe early update because yeah, i will get busy on saturday hnghh  
> ++ i hope this was enjoyable (?) everyone has secrets *coughs*  
> ++ this is a long fic so uh be patient and who knows, i might update twice a week, if you guys think i should?


	4. FOUR

Jinwoo isn’t happy with the arrangement. He knows Rubin knows too, because Rubin refuses to meet his eyes and that’s a very Rubin thing to do when he knows he has upset Jinwoo. At the end of the day, Rubin is as human as everybody else in this room and he is afraid of facing the music after he makes his decision. Jinwoo perches rather uncomfortably on the foot of the bed, Rubin settling himself on the wing chair adjacent to him.

“You know I don’t want to leave you, but it’s for safety reasons. We need to be away from our mansion, and I know they’ll find me. They want me dead, fair enough but  _ I  _ don’t want  _ you _ dead.” Jinwoo peers up to see Rubin staring at him, now daring to lock eyes with his lover. Rubin is set in his decision, he definitely will not go back on the choices he made but Jinwoo wishes, just wishes, that Rubin isn’t someone so set in his ways, that he’d reconsider and take Jinwoo with him. He doesn’t like being on his own, even if surrounded by those Rubin trusts because it’s always uncomfortable with them.

“I told you, didn’t I? I’d die with you if I had to, it’s not like I don’t know what kind of things you do for a living.” Jinwoo finally responds, shifting in his place, letting out a sigh. A sigh that sounds as though he’s also, at the same time, exhaling all the tiredness and frustration he’s feeling. They’ve been going back and forth about the same thing since they entered the house. Not a single space in this house hasn’t witnessed them talking about this.

“Just because you want to, doesn’t mean I want it too, get it through your thick head.” Rubin concedes, his tone harsher. Despite the fact that Rubin almost rarely use such words with him unless he was truly upset, it still make Jinwoo flinch some whenever he hears them falling out of his lips. Truthfully, even though it’s hard for Jinwoo to admit it, as much as he loves Rubin, the man he loves sends fear rushing through him at times. Seeing how easily Rubin dispose off those who rubbed him the wrong way has always made Jinwoo feel that if he is to make a mistake, would Rubin, despite his assurances of undying love, have just killed him and buried him somewhere, alone. 

“I don’t want to be mad at you,” Rubin starts again, covering the distance between them as he now stand in front of Jinwoo. He looks up to see Rubin looking down at him with a stoic face, unreadable. “I’m smarter than you in this business. I know what to do, so you just do what I say and make sure you’re whole when I see you again.”

Rubin caresses his cheek, soothing and warm. Jinwoo closes his eyes, his hand settling above Rubin’s own. Their way of reassuring each other without exchanging a single word. Jinwoo shakes off any negative ideas he has about his lover, alongside his protests and disgruntled comments. He inhales deeply, sharply before exhaling, soft. Jinwoo nods his head before opening his mouth to mutter his agreement with Rubin.

As though Jinwoo is pet cat, Rubin pats his head, cups his chin and leans in for a kiss. It isn’t passionate like most of their kisses tend to be nor is it messy, like when they have sex. It’s just that - a kiss. Lips on lips, fleeting, quick. Jinwoo doesn’t even get to taste Rubin’s lips or feel the kiss. It’s almost like a stranger’s kiss, or do strangers kiss more passionately than lovers do at times?

  
Jinwoo makes no comments. Rubin probably doesn’t want to hear it and judging from his emotionless face just moments ago, if Jinwoo is to protest once more, he might be the victim of Rubin’s wrath. Jinwoo knows what Rubin’s rage looks like, and he’s tasted it before and it isn’t something he remembers fondly. Truthfully, it’s a phase in their relationship that he wants to erase and not think about because since then, things have been better and Jinwoo knows when his words and actions teeter on the fine line that can enrage his lover. He is aware of when it’s too much.

Jinwoo merely stands up as he watches Rubin leave the room. Before he shuts the door behind him, Rubin turns around to look at Jinwoo one last time. As if he wasn’t pissed less than five minutes ago, the sweet man he loves smiles at him, for him, wide and with stars in his eyes despite the haggard demeanour. Jinwoo smiles back at Rubin, waving goodbye to him.

“See you soon, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll take care of myself and get work done. See you soon, love.”

Then, Rubin leaves. The door clicks shut and Jinwoo is alone in the huge bedroom again. He looks over at his luggage at a corner in the room. He doesn’t feel like unpacking, not yet. So he walks over to the window instead, to watch Rubin leave.  _ Really leave _ him behind in this foreign place with people he isn’t particularly close with. He sees Sungho sending Rubin off, opening the door to the Range Rover for his boss. They seem to exchange a few words before Rubin closes the door to the car and a few other men get in as well. Sungho, quiet, obedient servant, Jinwoo muses, watches over his employer who slowly travels back to the outside world, the car disappearing around the bend of the untarred forest path, the tall and heavy canopy of trees shielding it from Jinwoo’s sight. 

Jinwoo realises that Rubin never says he loves Jinwoo whenever he leaves him for work or before doing something dangerous. It’s always a ‘see you soon’ as if he’s assured he’ll be back or perhaps he doesn’t like to be over the top and dramatic. Jinwoo can feel his body aching, the exhaustion finally hitting him in full blow. Maybe he needs to sleep some, and figure out what to do while he’s here, for God knows how long.

* * *

Sungho stares at the room at the end of the hallway. Jinwoo hasn’t left the room for about three days now, although he does take his meals when Jehyun comes in to serve them, leaving the emptied bowls, plates and plastic cups outside of the room. He wonders how the good-looking guy in that room is feeling. Is he that hurt that Rubin decides to separate them for the first time? He doesn’t even think Lee Jinwoo bears so much love for Rubin, thinking that the other is just a mere gold digger, in for the money and just putting up with the baggage that comes along with being a gang leader’s lover.

Nonetheless, as usual, it’s not Sungho’s business. He descents the steep concrete staircase and makes his way to the dining room with the open concept kitchen. Junghoon is nowhere to be seen, and that bastard is another prick who’s been locking himself up in his downstairs bedroom, roaming outside only during meal times and whenever else he feels he wants to be outside rather than cooped up. This means Sungho always has to spend the day with Jehyun and the other boys he has manning this safe house with.

Jehyun is poring over the morning paper when Sungho pulls out a chair opposite him, ready to eat his breakfast which Jehyun already laid out. He sees Jehyun immediately folding the paper, putting it aside. Moon Jehyun and his sharp features, the cat-like eyes that’s always been sharp and thin lips capable of carving the most sarcastic smile, lips that have said things that sent others to their death. If there’s one person who’s the most unpredictable among them, it’s him. Jehyun who, akin to a chameleon, spuns his stories and actions to his benefit.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Sungho announces as he takes a sip of the bitter coffee, already cooling down. “We’re not friends, don’t act like we’re chummy with each other.”

Jehyun raises both his hands, as though a defeated gesture. “I’m not, and I haven’t said anything to you.”

“You were going to say something, anyway.”

“Perhaps you do still know me well.” Jehyun says with a hint of sarcasm in his tone, crossing his legs, arms folded over his chest. “You’re still as cold as the fucking Arctic.”

  
Sungho shrugs, munching on the tasteless turkey sandwich. Jehyun is still a shit chef and the only thing he does well is cleaning up this place. They don’t say anything to each other and Sungho doesn’t want Jehyun to attempt another conversation with him, so he tries to wolf down on breakfast as fast as he can, just so he can leave the dining table and join the other boys outside near the gate. He can see Jehyun fidgeting nervously in his seat, maybe trying to overcome the pregnant silence between them, this feeling as though you’re holding in your breath and your chest is about to explode but you can’t even find an air pocket to breathe.

The breakfast is finished. Sungho wipes the corners of his lips with his handkerchief. He gets up from the chair, ready to take his leave. It’s only then that Jehyun speaks again, this time the sarcasm and feigned hurt not present in his voice.

“I’m sorry for what happened in Jeonju, but you should know that even if I didn’t say anything,  _ it  _ was going to happen anyway. Hyerin can’t escape  _ it  _ when she set herself up to that ending. I know you hate to hear this, but I loved-”

“I don’t want your apology,” Sungho turns around to face Jehyun who is now standing behind that table, the chair pushed back. He sees how Jehyun’s eyes seem to tremble as he settles his gaze on the floor beneath him. “I don’t want to talk about  _ it _ .”

“Okay. I’m sorry and I hope you can leave  _ it  _ in the past and we can be...we can talk again, like the good old days.”

What good old days, Sungho thought, as he turns on his heels wordlessly, walking out of the house. Jehyun needs to stop pretending they were ever close. It’s all in that damn snake’s head only. The strong scent of the forest surrounding the safe house, the smell of nature at its best mixed with the pungent, soft scent of freesias from the flowerbed brings back memories Sungho rather not dwell on. ‘It’ is how they refer to the incident. Nobody wants to say what actually happened to Hyerin that day in Jeonju six years ago, and nobody remembers her anymore, except Sungho and Jehyun. Rubin would erase from his mind anyone who wronged him. 

Sungho needs a smoke. Once he lights up a cigarette, looking out at his surroundings, he feels a heavy sadness. A pressing unhappiness hanging over him. Hyerin, he remembers, she will always be young and beautiful, just as Sungho would like to remember her. Hyerin and her love for puzzles and rice cakes on a rainy day. Hyerin who used to warm Rubin’s bed before the boy lover came along, the girl whose face Sungho still sees in Jinwoo and how it scares him at times, the resemblance they bear. 

Sungho drops the unfinished cigarette, stepping on it to put out the smoke. He doesn’t want to think about  _ it _ anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ so yes, i decided to update twice a week!  
> ++ so far, in drafts, we have about 16 chapters (including this) but nowhere near finishing YET so ah ha ha  
> ++ as the story progresses, it may focus more on the feelings and characters and less on violence, but it all depends on the flow, yea?   
> ++ tell me if you like it, and if you don't please do it nicely, im fragile


	5. FIVE

Junghoon overhears the conversation between Jehyun and Sungho earlier. The tension is palpable among them. Something happened, something that Junghoon has no knowledge over and it has shifted the balance between those two men. He wonders what is the big  _ it _ . Junghoon doesn’t waste any time to step out of the house and catch up with the rest of the team members. He sees Sungho standing among them, talking with much mirth and smiling in such a way that he usually doesn’t. Junghoon is envious, once again, over the kind of hold Sungho has over the other guys, how comfortable they are with him and how likeable he is. Junghoon can never muster the same reaction from people.

Maybe that’s why Lee Rubin isn’t so fond of him. Junghoon looks like someone who would stab his own boss in the back so no matter how good he is, Rubin will always keep him at arm’s length and favours Sungho’s opinions over his. Junghoon smirks, scoffing at the thought as he continues to eye Sungho from afar. How would Lee Rubin feel, if the one he trusts with his life stabs him in the back?

Surely, Junghoon muses, someone like Sungho has skeletons in his closet. Junghoon knows a secret, but it seems that the secret Jehyun knows is  _ bigger _ . He can’t help the curiosity.

* * *

“You can’t stay in this room forever. You’re going to be as pale as a ghost if you don’t even want to get out and get some sun,” Jehyun’s voice bounces off the walls of the room. Jinwoo remains unperturbed, pulling the duvet above his head as he turns away from the caretaker who has religiously brought him his meals without missing a day.

“Rubin called me last night, asking how you’re doing and I can’t bring myself to tell him his brainless whore has been locking himself up in this goddamn room.” Jehyun spits out, his tone expressing his anger. “I told him you’re adjusting well and helping me with the garden - tsk - who the fuck am I kidding.”

Jehyun’s harsh, unfiltered words pisses Jinwoo off enough for him to throw the duvet away and sit up on his bed. He’s frowning now, chest heaving with madness and maybe his face is getting red too, because that’s how Jinwoo always looks when he’s fuming. He looks at the handsome man who merely raises a brow at him as he leans on one of the wardrobes, checking on his fingernails.

“I’m not a whore, I’m his lover, watch your tongue!” 

“Oh, you are?” Jehyun leans forward with a playful, insincere smile. “And so is every girl that came before you and every girl and boy that will come after you. You’re  _ not  _ special.”

Who does this guy thinks he is, Jinwoo fumes in his heart, staring daggers at Moon Jehyun who seems so carefree as he leans on the wardrobe. Jinwoo tears his eyes away from the man who’s giving him an eyesore. He wants to throw a tantrum, maybe throw the covers or stomp out of this room but Jehyun, he figures, would make fun of him for it. It dawns on him how his childish antics are adorable only to Rubin but a nuisance to others. So he takes a peek at Jehyun again.

“I’ll come down if you don’t call me such dirty things anymore.”

“Deal. Come down and find something to do around the house. The boss is Rubin, not you, so don’t try to tell me what to do,” Jehyun responds calmly, his cat-like eyes twinkling as a smile lights up his features again.

Once Jehyun leaves the room, Jinwoo lets out a sigh. Fine, he tells himself, if he has to do this to get the man off his back, he’ll do it. It’s not like he has much choice. How long does he think he can sulk before Rubin personally call him and ask him what the fuck he’s doing in this God forsaken house?

Jinwoo changes into more comfortable clothes, oversized hoodie and chino pants. He opens the door to the room for the first time since Rubin closes it and leaves him here alone. The first person he sees once he opens the door, is Sungho. The reserved, pleasant face staring straight at him as soon as he steps out. Jinwoo doesn’t know why he suddenly stumbles in his steps when he sees Sungho and Sungho, reflexively, grabs him before he hit the floor, pulling Jinwoo close to him, his muscular arms wrapped tightly around him.

“You should walk more carefully. Rubin would be worried if you got hurt.” Sungho says, yet those words sound so rudimentary, practiced, almost as if Sungho is simply saying words he thinks Jinwoo wants to hear. “You have to take care of yourself here.”

“Isn’t that your job?” Jinwoo retorts back, purposely being mean with his reply. Maybe he’s taking a jab at Sungho because Sungho won’t talk him down like Moon Jehyun and that alone helps him feel like the reins are in Jinwoo’s hands, not the other person. As expected, Sungho doesn’t say anything demeaning towards him. The head of the security team simply nods his head, a tiny smile playing on his lips.

“You’re right, it’s my job, but you also need to do  _ your _ job; that is to be careful. When you’re careful, I don’t have to do much saving or caring, for you.”

Sungho maintains eye contact with him, still holding Jinwoo close to him. It’s the first time that Sungho has ever been this close to Jinwoo, and it’s a strange, strange thing, what closeness can do to you. He always sees Sungho from afar - reserved, polite and speaking only when necessary. His gentle yet manly face showcasing none of the feelings that may be brewing underneath that calm demeanour, so much that he seems so basic, insignificant. Standing this close to Sungho though, with his arms around Jinwoo like a safety belt of sorts, and his face just mere inches away, he’s such a handsome man. Pleasant to look at, easy on the eyes. Jinwoo inhales a sharp intake of breath, realising what he’s thinking about is rather crude.

Instinctively, Jinwoo pushes Sungho away, taking a few steps back. His boyfriend’s bodyguard wobbles slightly, but maintains his ground. He’s looking at Jinwoo confused, looking as if he wants to approach but unsure of what Jinwoo would do. Jinwoo gulps, a nervousness creeping up on him, yet he doesn’t want to come off that way, especially not to this guy. He doesn’t avoid eye contact as he captures Sungho’s gaze.

“Thank you...and I’m sorry, I’m not used to anyone holding me like that , except for Rubin.”

“Understood.” Sungho replies, no questions asked. He smiles politely, gesturing for Jinwoo to descent the stairs first and that he’ll follow behind.

Jinwoo nods, shrugs and goes down in a hurry just to lose Sungho, even if it’s just for a second or two. Sungho, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to register the same panicky feeling as Jinwoo, making him feel like a fool for overreacting, as he watches Sungho saunter casually, his composed and firm gait unchanging. When he glances over at Jinwoo as he settles down to eat breakfast, Jinwoo finds that it is he who runs away from Sungho’s piercing stare instead of the other way around.

Truthfully, Jinwoo doesn’t like the way Sungho looks at him. It’s always pitiful, sympathetic, like he knows something Jinwoo doesn’t, akin to a fortune teller. He doesn’t particularly enjoy such glances and judgement, even more so whenever Sungho walks in on them, he and Rubin. Jinwoo tries to remain unconcerned, picking on his breakfast plate and Sungho soon leaves the room, going about his day. Jinwoo can breathe at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ I have some things to say ehhe  
> ++ I'm starting uni soon & the internet there is a bit shady so like, idk it depends but I'll try to update  
> ++ I'll also have a WHOLE one week orientation coming up in 2 weeks so I'll be packed  
> ++ I'll post TWO chapters the week before my orientation so you guys have crumbs while I go off doing God knows what at the orientation SIKES  
> ++ I'm also putting my other fics on hold until after I start my classes in uni and have established A PROPER INTERNET CONNECTION


	6. SIX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ++ Hey, this is gonna be a double update with Chapter Seven!  
> ++ Next week, I'll also post C8 & C9 because I will be gone for the entire of the first week of September  
> ++ So, I hope you guys can survive off 4 chapters I come back from my uni orientation !!!!

Rubin calls to check on Jinwoo after a week has passed. Jinwoo forgets how warm Rubin sounds like on the phone, the way his honey-like voice comes off like music in his ears. He recalls how much more handsome Rubin sounds when he whispers into Jinwoo’s ears, as language is meant to be spoken. Jinwoo can tell just by listening that Rubin is doing well, wherever it is he’s hiding out right now, and he’s also genuinely concerned if Jinwoo is fine.

“I don’t know if I can come to see you, but you don’t need to worry about my health. I’m okay and I’ve already have some things ready so we’ll be back at our house soon. Okay, love?”

  
_ Our _ house. Yes, Jinwoo smiles, he’s someone important to Rubin, unlike what Jehyun claims. He isn’t just another pretty thing for Rubin. Rubin cares for him as much as he cares for Rubin. Although his boyfriend can’t see him, Jinwoo smiles his widest smile, hoping that Rubin can close his eyes and imagine Jinwoo smiling at him with adoration and sheer love. 

“Okay, Ru. I’ll be good too. Don’t worry about me.”

“I know you’ll be good. You’re that kind of person.” Rubin says, the warmth in his voice is apparent, and maybe Jinwoo is just missing the feeling of someone holding him, someone kissing him, so much that hearing Rubin’s voice is enough to make him feel as though Rubin is next to him right now. Not far away, doing something he can’t see or know about.

“Rubin, can’t I come to you?” Jinwoo braves himself to ask, although he may already know the answer.

Rubin seems to hesitate on the other side of the phone, and his lack of words is telling enough for Jinwoo. He bites down on his own lips, before speaking into the phone again. “It’s fine. I just want you to be safe.”

  
  


Then, they talk about the things they would usually talk over dinners and breakfasts, in between the sheets, in the hours between midnight and dawn. Yet something feels off to Jinwoo. It feels like Rubin’s answers are half-assed, as if he’s just waiting for the conversation to end and hoping that Jinwoo will get annoyed and say his goodbyes first. Is this what being apart feels like? Does the lack of something physical makes Rubin feel like a stranger than the person he’s been together with for the past three years or so?

Jinwoo wants to laugh at himself, after he ends the call and throws his phone on the bed. He doesn’t perceive himself as someone needy or clingy, or think that physical aspects are important yet somehow he feels there is something awkward about him and Rubin when all they have to offer for each other are voices.

  
  
In this particular moment, it appears more starkly in Jinwoo’s memory, like something mismatched among a sea of uniformity, that Rubin never says ‘I love you’ to him when he leaves Jinwoo for work. He also never says ‘I love you’ to Jinwoo when he’s sober or when he’s together with Jinwoo on dates. Those words only come tumbling out of his mouth when he drank one too many shots of alcohol or when he’s fucking Jinwoo. ‘I love you’ are not words that Rubin would say to him in moments when he’s conscious enough to understand the full weight of those three simple words.

Moon Jehyun’s words too, crosses his mind. Jinwoo shudders. No, he thinks, Rubin loves him. It’s just different. 

* * *

Junghoon approaches Jehyun as they’re the only two people in the house. Sungho left the dining table as soon as he was done with breakfast, working like the dliligent, obedient servant he is. The boy lover is somewhere, Junghoon doesn’t care much for him. It’s not like he wants to be out of his room much anyway, and if he does wander around, security’s tight enough for him to not go off and die alone in the forest. 

Moon Jehyun settles himself on the dining table that doubles as his workplace, piles of papers by his side, accounts and bank statements, while he busies himself with typing on the laptop. Junghoon slowly pulls out the chair next to Jehyun and comfortably sits, glancing at the man who seems to have completely ignored his presence. Perhaps he’s just as indifferent to Junghoon as Sungho is, he mulls. They seem to be close too, although Sungho never seems too happy to be conversing with Jehyun.

Junghoon clears his throat and attempts to ignite a conversation. “The weather’s good outside. Aren’t you usually out at times like these, tending to the flowers or something?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be with the rest of the boys?”

Jehyun’s eyes were still glued to the screen. He’s clearly uninterested to engage in a conversation with Junghoon. It makes Junghoon scoff, making a loud ‘tsk’ sound and surely, that’s enough for Jehyun to snap his head and spare Junghoon a glance. He looks visibly annoyed, a smirk on his lips.

“Don’t be rude to me, punk. You’re the youngest person here. You’re beneath Jinwoo even. Stop annoying me and making those rude sounds. If you have nothing to say, just fuck off.” 

Junghoon grins. Moon Jehyun has a short fuse as well, exactly like Rubin. Maybe he’s even more easily irritated. “I’m just wondering what kind of person Sungho is, because you both look close.”

“He’s alright. Not much of a talker. Why do you bother?”

“I’m just wondering because even though we’ve been working together, I don’t know him well.”

“He’s always been reserved, but even more so since a few years back,” Jehyun purses his lips, his eyes flitting between the laptop and Junghoon’s face. “Things happen,and they can change people. He’s a changed man.”

Junghoon signals he’s listening, shifting his body to face Jehyun. His curiosity is piqued, and he asks, “What happened?”

It’s then that he sees an apprehensive expression in Jehyun’s countenance. The older man clears his throat and ignores him, returning to his work. Junghoon stares him down but Jehyun says nothing. Tired, Junghoon rise from where he was sitting and makes to leave the room. Jehyun says something as he passes the archway, although Junghoon doesn’t reply, feigning deafness.

Jehyun says, “It’s not your place to be snooping around, kid. Some things are better left alone.”

Junghoon shrugs, and finds his way out.


	7. SEVEN

Some nights, Sungho doesn’t sleep well. It’s not that he's a deep sleeper. He’s learned to always be on his toes, guarded. So even when it looks as though he’s sleeping well, Sungho is still on alert. Tonight though, Sungho can’t fall asleep. It’s not such a weird thing to happen for him. Sometimes, you just can’t bring yourself to sleep and you’d rather be up, doing anything else. Other nights, the memories chases after him, like a shadow, a nightmare, from the front of the house, up the attic, down to the basement. Either way, when this happens, sleep becomes as complicated as the act of taking a man’s life for the first time.

There isn’t much to do here though, Sungho thinks, pressing the heels of his hands on his eyes. Apart from TV, browsing the internet and tending the garden, life at this safe house is slow-paced, dull, even for someone like him. Sungho realizes how much more alive it is in Seoul and how, in an odd way, he misses that polluted hell hole of a city. He wishes he can just go back there anytime he wants, perhaps right now but he has to honour his responsibilities. Having this meager thing called ‘honour’ is Sungho’s only claim to being a good person amidst the atrocities he has committed for the past eight years.

Sungho wonders if he should go out for a night walk. It’ll help clear his head, give him a sense of peace and perhaps inhaling the fresh, cold night air can help ease the muscles and nerves, allowing sleep to come more easily to him. Some of the boys under him are on night duty, and they probably won’t question him for not being asleep despite having been working round the clock for the past few days. That’s just how he is with work, they know it.

Putting on a thick, woolen cardigan over his thin plain white shirt and a pair of track bottoms, Sungho goes outside, greeting the guys on his way out, encouraging them. He offers each of them a warm smile, a squeeze on the arm and exchanged a few words. The lawn isn’t huge but it’s enough to say that one is able to walk around the lawn if they needed to and get some exercise. Sungho walks with slow, sure steps, a contrast to his usual rigid walking pace. This night is allowing him to relax, after all.

Sungho paces the lawn and sees a familiar figure sitting on a bench at the lawn. He knows who it is, but he’s more curious as to why that person is sitting outside at this hour when that person is someone who sleeps well every night, to the point that on some mornings, the maids will have to stir him from his sleep and Sungho has to carry him to bed when he falls asleep somewhere else other than the bed. Rubin doesn’t like to do the carrying, but he’ll lie and say he did the next day, taking credit for what Sungho did in his stead.

Sungho makes his way to the bench, and takes his place. There’s quite a gap between them and if Jinwoo is aware of his arrival, permeating into this space that Jinwoo has owned, he makes no intention of acknowledging it. They never really talk anyway, so Sungho doesn’t find the silence awkward. It’s not pressing nor suffocating, it just is. He leans into the bench, gazing up at the sky. In a place where there’s only nature and no tall buildings, Sungho can clearly see the sky hanging above him. The only things reaching out for the sky are tall trees, its height and boughs seeming as though they are arms, stretching for the stars which dotted the night sky. Sungho smiles at the natural sight before his very eyes, the stars like hundreds and thousands of piercings in the sky. If one is to count every single star in the sky on a night like this, they might forget how much they already counted halfway through.

“Did you know that stars die on their way to Earth?” Jinwoo abruptly speaks, startling Sungho as he faces Jinwoo with a perplexed expression.

“What?”

Jinwoo smiles sweetly, shrugging. “You probably don’t care, but it takes millions and billions of light years for a star to reach us. For us to see their light. Now, I’m not good with science but...when you look up and see all these beautiful stars, a lot of them are alive. Some though, are dead. So you’re looking at them at their brightest, most beautiful moment, a moment a star is proud of even though it’s no longer alive. They might be dead, but people still adore them.”

Sungho sees Jinwoo looking up at the panoply of stars above them, his eyes glinting with an almost childlike curiosity, eyes that are eager to know. His lips are smiling, and Sungho realizes, this is the first time he has seen Jinwoo smile since they arrived here. This is his first genuine smile, borne out of a real sense of happiness or amazement at the beauty of the universe. Sungho wants to stop himself but he can’t help it. He can’t help thinking about how gorgeous the man next to him is, and how, no matter how much he adores Lee Jinwoo since the day they first spoke, Jinwoo is like a star in the sky; exquisite but distant and Sungho is just a tall tree, straining to reach for something that can never belong to him.

“Do you like these things? Constellations and shit?” Sungho asks, trying to sound more casual. 

Jinwoo laughs a little, nodding. “Yeah, and Rubin usually listens to my mumbling about it...I miss Ru. Has he called you?”

“Yeah, he says he’s hiding well. They’ve found where Min Ki - I mean, the person who attacked us and where he is. Rubin wants to see him face to face and settle the debt.”

“Are you going?”

Sungho nods, looking over at Jinwoo, registering the guy’s worried expression. He’s always worried about Rubin, Sungho thinks, and Rubin worries about him too. How perfect, until you are privy to how they each value each other, the way Sungho does. Jinwoo worries about Rubin as a lover would. Rubin is concerned about Jinwoo as an owner would over his property. They were never on the same wavelength about how they perceived each other and they didn’t even know that. Sungho wants to laugh whenever he thinks of it.

Sungho adds, as an afterthought, “I’ll go with him, we’ll settle the issue and you’ll go home soon. Home to the mansion and Rubin.”

Jinwoo doesn’t answer. He simply gives Sungho a look of understanding. Wordlessly, they both stare up at the sky, drinking in the world around them and the stillness of the world after midnight. They don’t say a word, not even when Jinwoo scoots closer to rest his head on Sungho’s shoulder. Sungho feels his own heart racing upon the contact but says and does nothing. They simply find themselves enjoying things as it is: a bench with two people on it, the world around them dissolving as the quiet night complements their aloneness and the night sky becomes a TV they can’t stop watching.

When Sungho returns to his room after safely putting Jinwoo to bed in the master bedroom, carrying him all the way from the bench to the bed, something has changed. The order of the universe is not the same as it was this morning, he realizes, and he isn’t sure what that change may bring and what is waiting for him once this night ends. Sungho doesn’t want to think about it as he settles himself under the covers, calling it a night.

A message from Rubin flashes up on the screen of his phone just before his head hits the pillow. Sungho doesn’t reply but he understands the content of the order by Rubin and what he needs to do. He’ll have to make haste tomorrow, but for now, he needs to get some shut eye. Sungho falls asleep easier now than earlier and somehow, he sees Jinwoo in his dream tonight.

* * *

Junghoon receives Rubin’s order that he and Sungho, as well as a few of the boys, are to go and pick up a certain Lee Jaehyun. Junghoon isn’t stupid, he can put two and two together, and so does Sungho. His senior in the security team drives the car at a steady pace, heading into Seoul, their first trip back to the city after nearly two weeks of staying in that safe house. Honestly speaking, Junghoon was getting tired of that place. It’s suffocating and it doesn’t help that the other guys on the security team views Junghoon with the same hostility and suspicion as their leader. 

“So, is Jaehyun this bastard’s son?” Junghoon throws a question to ease the atmosphere, hoping to make conversation with the other man.

Sungho nods, replying, “Yeah, his only son. He used to have two sons but one died a few years back from a freak accident so Jaehyun’s the only one left. Lee Min Ki loves his son more than anything else in this world, that’s the only compassionate side of him.”

“So he has a wife?”

“None, just girlfriends. Jaehyun and that older son, Sunghyun, had different mothers.”

Junghoon eyes how Sungho replies to him without sparing him even one glance. He has one hand on the steering wheel, the other resting on his cheek as his elbow leans on the side of the door. His eyes remain trained on the road ahead of them, and Junghoon notices the high rise buildings, skyscrapers and the unmistakable sound of passing vehicles as they cross the bridge into Seoul city center. As he looks out the window and see as the buildings looming before his eyes growing bigger and real, Junghoon can’t help but recall the day he first moved to Seoul when he was just fifteen years old, following his father in a bid to escape the loan sharks back in Gyeongju.

“Seoul is far enough and the bad guys can’t find us here,” his father said to him as their old Honda Civic drove towards Seoul, passing over this same, imposing bridge towards a city that to this very day, will always be foreign and alien to him. Junghoon still remember the way his father looked at him, the creases and lines on his skin, worn down not by age but by a tough life and the semblance of love underneath those tired, sleep deprived eyes. His father was a man who did not know what luxury was and he was never able to provide much for Junghoon growing up. The only thing his father was able to supply for the both of them without much issue was problems - they were always running away from someone, from a debt.

Despite all of their hardships and misfortune, every time Junghoon looked into his father’s eyes, touch those calloused, rough hands, he knew his father was a good person at heart. Could he really blame the old man for going to desperate measures when they were unable to even pay for a roof above their head and food on the table? It still doesn’t make the decision his father made right, and although Junghoon cherished his father and loved him, there is an innate part of him that resented him for the decisions he made. It was those decisions that led Junghoon here - sitting in this expensive continental car, next to the person he resents more than his own father, driving back into the city from which his father will never leave. A dead man can’t walk, anyway.

Junghoon reaches out to turn on the radio, filling the car with the rhythm of another pop song from the Top 40 chart that he isn’t familiar with. He turns the volume down slightly, peeking another glance at Sungho who remains stoic as they reach an intersection, making their way to the high end area of Gangnam where Lee Jaehyun lives. 

The boy who’s probably still wet behind his ears is able to live in such an expensive condominium thanks to the fortune of his father, Junghoon sneers, how does it feel like to live like that?

The car comes to a start again as the lights turn green. Sungho makes a turn, going into a street lined with aged ginkgo trees, passing buildings and shop lots which are home to high-end global and local brands, youths both rich or pretending to be rich hanging around. Lee Jaehyun’s condominium is just a mere few hundred meters away from where they are now. Junghoon takes this chance to ask Sungho a rhetoric question while his eyes are glued to the road ahead of them.

“How does it feel like each time you take the life of somebody’s father, someone’s son? Do you get used to it?”

Junghoon wants to see if it elicits something out of Sungho, and although the man sitting beside him manage to keep a composed demeanour, stepping on the brakes calmly as they stop in front of the condominium’s entrance, Junghoon knows he’s nervous. The knuckles of Sungho’s hand is white, gripping the steering wheel too tightly. He sees Sungho shifting in his seat, pretending to fix his black tie.

“It’s just another day on the job, you’ll get used to it,” comes the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ i love you all so much thank you for reading, for commenting ILYSM  
> ++ UH, JUNGHOON HAS SECRETS TOO


	8. EIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ Trigger warning for some violence!!

Rubin sips on his whiskey, tasting the liquid with every sip he takes. He has been hiding out in the other safe house before deciding that he feels safe enough to venture out of that stifling place, which is worse than the place he kept Jinwoo in. The safe house, another fifty minutes drive from the other one, is literally a concrete block hidden among the overgrowth of ferns and thickets of other plants. There isn’t as much sunlight, let alone an outside space, making it even more suffocating. Rubin is thankful for the opportunity to escape that shit hole and be settled comfortably in his own mansion again.

The door to his office opens, and Rubin looks over his shoulder to see one of the underlings by the door frame. “They’re here, sir, with Lee Jaehyun.”

Rubin smiles, placing the cup of whiskey down on his mahogany desk. He smooths out the front of his shirt, fixing the rings on his fingers. He’s ready to meet the beloved child, cherished more than all the riches Lee Min Ki has, and use that to negotiate a truce with the older man. Moving away from his desk, Rubin coolly strides downstairs, making his way to the basement. Two bodyguards flank his side and another two protects him by walking ahead of and behind him. 

The dissimilarity between Lee Rubin and Lee Min Ki, is how they cherished the person they both claim to have the most value in their life. When push comes to shove, and giving up something or resorting to a losing deal is the only method to resolve a situation and save someone, Lee Min Ki is the type of man who would do just that for his son, Jaehyun. It’s because he truly loves his son, maybe more than his own life. If the same situation presents itself to Rubin and he has to agree to a losing deal to save Jinwoo’s life, he knows for a certainty, that he will not agree to it. Jinwoo can die for him, he muses, because he’s replaceable. Rubin loves Jinwoo the way you love your things - once it gets scratched, isn’t it better to throw it out and buy a new one?

Rubin arrives at the door leading into the basement. One of the underlings opens the door for him, and he descents the steep staircase, walking into the room with minimal lighting. He immediately registers Sungho’s presence, hovering over the younger, brown-haired Lee Jaehyun who is on his knees, hands tied behind his back. Rubin also sees Junghoon - he can never trust that one entirely - silently standing with his hands behind his back and wearing all black.

Lee Jaehyun lifts his head to catch a glimpse of Rubin once he sits down on the metal chair adjacent to the son of his rival. Jaehyun has his father’s prominent nose and high cheekbones although his eyes seems to have too much of a gap between them. Rubin can clearly see signs of bruises on his cheeks, from a punch or two, and it’s turning purplish. He has a cut on his lip and dry blood by the edge of it. The boy isn’t much of a fighter like his father, Rubin deduces, more used to ordering people around than actually doing the fighting himself. Weak, a cheap imitation of Lee Min Ki.

“Look here, punk,” Rubin starts, playfully slapping the boy’s cheeks and he flinches from the touch. “Do you know why you’re here, with your fucking pretty face all busted up?”

“N-no,” Jaehyun answers, stuttering. He refuses to meet Rubin’s eyes, perhaps more than ready to comply with any requests if it means his life was spared. Sure enough, he inches forward, dragging his knees, begging. “Please don’t kill me, tell me what you want.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Rubin pushes Jaehyun’s forehead with his index finger with every ‘hey’. “I didn’t say I was going to kill you, did I? Calm down.”

Jaehyun retreats then. He still doesn’t look at Rubin.

“I…how do I put this... ah, this is hard, let’s just say your father is the reason we had to rough you up and bring you here,” Rubin nonchalantly says, crossing his legs and leaning into the metal chair. Lee Jaehyun finally raises his eyes to meet Rubin and he sees the knowing glint in his eyes once he is able to fully recognize the man sitting on that chair.

“You started it,” Lee Jaehyun states plainly, as if he’s found some newfound strength, his voice steely. “We didn’t do anything, but you started it and you think you have the right to be mad?” 

Rubin scoffs, a half-smile tugging at his lips. The boy has some nerve, he thinks. Maybe he isn’t that much of a coward after all, although most people are like this towards him: talking back and threatening Rubin. They stop saying those bullshit and start begging at his feet, licking his shoes, when he has a gun to their head or a metal pole in his grip. So he ignores the bravado and stick to what he really wants to say.

“Listen here, you ungrateful bastard, I could have asked those two murderers,” he eyes Sungho and Junghoon temporarily, “to slit your throat on their way here and dump you in some sewer in this city, but I didn’t.” Rubin’s fake genial and friendly expression earlier morph into an irate, resentful expression. He uncrosses his legs, now leaning forward with his head coming as close as it can to Jaehyun’s face. He isn’t going to pretend to be nice anymore.

“You know why I didn’t just ask them to do that? It’s because you’re useful. Your father loves you as if you shit gold, so I might as well use you to get him to know his place, right?” Rubin retreats, leaning back into the metal chair and watches as Lee Jaehyun gazes at him, his quiet angry determination evident in his eyes although his lips remains sealed. “Jaehyun, your father started it. He isn’t supposed to go around trying to sell his stuff at my place, but he did. I’m possessive, you know, so I don’t like colonisers. I had to show him that I’m not happy but wow... your father is something else, isn’t he?”

Rubin rises from his seat and makes a move so fast, none of the boys could have stopped him even if they wanted to. In a quick motion, he kicks Jaehyun on the chest with all of his strength, sending the weak excuse of a person hurtling a few meters away from his original position. He smirks as he sees Jaehyun cough, struggling to breathe again and sit up. Rubin doesn’t feel anything, except maybe a sense of satisfaction, his pent up anger about the ambush and hatred for Jaehyun’s father finally materialising in some form.

“Your old father dared come to my property and tried to assassinate me. I bet you know that, idiot. He crossed a line there and since he did that to me, I don’t think it’s entirely wrong for me to end your life too, just to spite him, you know. See how he reacts.”

Jaehyun still has that determination in his eyes. He might be weak physically, but there is a tenacity underneath that body, and the way he still stares back at Rubin, indignant and arrogant, makes him want to beat the boy to pulp. It’s almost insulting to be stared down at with those eyes. However, despite those threatening words, murdering Jaehyun isn’t the priority for Rubin as of now. He simply wants to scare Min Ki, but hell, if Min Ki creates chaos again, Rubin figures he won’t hesitate to kill his precious child.

“Call that bastard Min Ki, tell him to come pick up his kid.”

* * *

Sungho escorts the middle aged Lee Min Ki as he arrives at the property. He can tell there is fear and trepidation in the old man, but he is trying his best to mask it with an apathetic expression, detached and uncaring. It seems that over the years, Sungho has developed the ability to see beneath every feigned expression, every word and every movement. Not everyone displays what they feel on the inside, covering it up with layers of other emotions, attempting to deceive. Sungho can always read them though. The only one person he knows who never lies, whose expression, words and actions align with what’s inside, is Rubin. And the only person he can’t read, is Lee Junghoon.

Sungho says not a word, opening the door to Rubin’s office. Lee Min Ki maintains his nonchalance as he steps in with his own set of bodyguards. Rubin smiles at him, rather condescending, and raises his wine glass to gesturing to the older man to sit in front of him. Lee Min Ki is compliant, wordlessly settling himself and when Rubin pours the wine for him, he seems to be more than willing to down it. It’s a rather out of place for Lee Min Ki to act this way, but Sungho knows that the old man isn’t trying to play any games. It’s uncharacteristic but he doesn’t have any tricks up his sleeves. He wouldn’t dare, when his son’s life is at stake.

“Where is my son?” Lee Min Ki opens his mouth finally, placing the wine glass on the table. Though he has aged, the familiar, handsome features with its rugged look doesn't diminish and those intense eyes stare at Rubin with quiet hostility. 

“He’s alright, I’ve been treating him well, if that’s what you’re wondering about.” Rubin answers, dodging the question, that smug expression that annoys even Sungho, plastered on his face.

Lee Min Ki scoffs. “I came here to take my kid, so give him back to me.”

“Ah, you’re really straightforward, aren’t you? Are all old people like that?” Rubin sneers, sipping his wine. “Alright, you can have him but you know how this works though. I can’t give him to you for free. You’ll have to make some deals with me.”

Sungho see the way Lee Min Ki’s jaw clenches. His face is tight, with anger, fury, he doesn’t know but he can tell that Min Ki isn’t happy with this, even if he knew from the start that it will come to this. He’s as proud as Rubin is, and settling to a deal is embarrassing but he will relent for his son, if not willingly. Lee Min Ki seems to look away for a moment, mulling it over in his head, wondering if this is all worth it. It is worth it to him, Sungho decides, when Lee Min Ki focuses on Rubin again. 

“What do you want?”

“Well,” Rubin puts down the glass, “it’s not much, really.”

Sungho tunes himself out of the conversation. He can’t help, however, noticing the expression in Lee Min Ki’s countenance. The humiliation of agreeing to an unfair deal, giving up the things he has worked for, but more than anything, underneath all those mixed emotions, the face of a father who is more than willing to embarrass himself to save his son. And that brings Sungho back to many years ago, to one of those murder order he isn’t proud of comitting.

Sungho has seen that same expression on the face of Lee Ji Ho, begging him to spare his son who was yet to come home. “Kill me, but let my son, our Ji Seok, live,” the man had begged him, hugging Sungho’s legs. He knew at the time that the kill order required him to finish all of that family, it’s not like they can pay back the debts. Yet the pitiful figure of that father who humiliated himself, snot running from his nose, for Sungho to allow his son to live, somehow moved him. He spared that boy’s life. He didn’t wait for him to come back home after killing the father. Sometimes, Sungho wondered where that boy was, the same way he wondered about where Hyerin could be today, if she made it past twenty-three.

The truth is, Sungho thinks he’ll never get used to taking another’s life. It’s his job, and it’s the only thing he can do well, he’s not complaining. Most of the time, despite the uncomfortable feeling in his gut, he can get it over with. Every few rare times though, he has to kill men like Lee Ji Ho and Lee Min Ki, and those people leave him feeling guilty for taking a life. 

Sungho is pulled out of his reverie when he hears Rubin’s voice, calling out to him. “Hey, Sungho, bring Jaehyun up, tell him his dad is here to bring him home.”

“Yes, sir,” he replies curtly, bowing and makes a run for it. He appreciates the chance to escape that office and of course, to return back to his working headspace, shutting out all other unnecessary thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ ayy follow me on twt @sunghosnose  
> ++ i made a playlist for the fic, if you're interested to listen to it during...future readings!!  
> ++ here's the playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/41W7rdaEUS5Maj7YSuOLD1?si=T5_HPHGHTsOiSTtPoR0rIg


	9. NINE

Jinwoo can’t stop himself from feeling as though the safe house is a little bit too quiet today. He knows that Sungho and Junghoon, along with a few other men, has left the home at some ungodly hour. One of the men from the security team told him they have work to do, Rubin’s order, so they’re allowed to leave. Jinwoo though, has to stay put until further notice. He sits on a chair by the window in the ‘library’ - he thinks it’s a library because it has a lot of bookshelves and a study table with a computer set.

From this window, Jinwoo can see the bench he sat on the night before with Sungho. Somehow, he smiles when he thinks about it, how he rambled on about stars to the bodyguard and yet Sungho doesn’t complain and listens to him. When it comes to that, Sungho resembles Rubin, but the difference between them is that although Rubin listens and he adores Jinwoo, he can’t shake off the feeling that Rubin can get annoyed with him for prattling on. He learns to censor himself sometimes. Sungho, on the other hand, always comes off as genuine even when he has no interest in the topics Jinwoo mumbles about.

“If I met you first, would I have fallen in love with you?” Jinwoo asks out loud, resting his cheek on top of his knee, his legs pulled close to his chest. 

He doesn’t know why he suddenly thinks of Sungho. They don’t exchange many words with each other in the past three years but Sungho has always been one to take care of Jinwoo well in Rubin’s place, when the need arises. His words may be short and he isn’t talkative, but there’s always a feeling of warmness to it, sincerity. Jinwoo knows too, that it’s Sungho who carries him to bed on some nights when Rubin doesn’t. Sometimes, Jinwoo is half-awake and can feel his head resting on that broad, steady chest and those strong arms carrying him before resting him carefully, although he is made of porcelain, on the bed. Sungho would cover the duvet over him, pulling them up to his chest before turning off the lights and leaving the bedroom.

Small gestures, most of them, yet Sungho does them with much care and earnest feeling. Jinwoo doesn’t know why those insignificant actions now magnify themselves, presenting itself as more important than he initially thought they were. Jinwoo buries his face in between his legs, suddenly feeling a flush creeping up on him when he thinks of Sungho. It makes him panicky, and he feels the need to talk to himself out loud, not in his head.

“I love Rubin. Shitty or mean, I love Rubin, jeez, why am I even thinking of that guy when all he did was sit beside me on the bench last night.”

Jinwoo lifts his head and lean into the chair. He sees the bench again, and he knows why he’s thinking of Sungho more fervently today than all those times before: it’s because without Sungho noticing, Jinwoo catches him staring at Jinwoo. And something about the way he looks at Jinwoo, as if he’s special, as if he’s so precious and exquisite, he could have given those stars in the sky a run for their money, it makes Jinwoo actually  _ feel  _ special. Sungho looks at him, not with lust, the way Rubin looks at him most of the time.

Sungho watches him with admiration, with a restrained sense of care and an adoration that cannot be expressed physically. Jinwoo has never experienced nor meet anyone who has ever gazed at him that way and perhaps that’s why he can’t stop thinking about it. He’s  _ just  _ thinking about it, he tells himself, he isn’t cheating on Rubin. It’s normal to think about other people sometimes and get giddy at receiving attention. It’s been a long time after all, since Jinwoo has received that sort of attention.

* * *

Moon Jehyun finishes tending to the garden, keeping one of the garden scissors in the pocket of his apron. He sighs as he stares down at the collection of roses and freesias he has managed to grow out here in this wilderness. The cheery, sing-song chirping of the birds in the forest surrounding the home resonates loudly, and Jehyun looks up just in time to see a few birds flying overhead. He smiles at the sight, before shoving his hands in his jeans pockets. 

The boys left for Seoul quite early yesterday, and he knows that because the first to rise in this safe house is always Jehyun. Jehyun and the breakfast he has to make in the morning, the cursory clean up of the areas in the house and checking on the cleanliness of every room, even that of Rubin’s lover - yes, in the privacy of his mind, he refers to Jinwoo as ‘lover’. Admittedly, he uttered those spiteful words to Jinwoo out of a teasing nature, not at all mean spirited but he supposes that his words are enough to make the handsome young man with plump lips to view him with disdain. Jehyun doesn’t blame him though, it’s not like he’s out here to make friends anyway.

Jehyun turns on his heels to make his way to the tiny wooden garage, keeping the gardening supplies where they should be and washing his hands off the dirt. It’s kind of funny, how this is the kind of job he ended up doing under Rubin’s watch when he had done the same line of work as Sungho six years ago. He wouldn’t call it a mistake, because it isn’t. Jehyun deliberately did what he did six years ago in Jeonju during the incident to protect Sungho, at the cost of his own position and of course, Hyerin’s life. He knows Sungho can never forgive him for it because he  _ loved  _ Hyerin. Yet Jehyun loves Sungho too, and that’s why he’s more than pliant to make such a hasty decision. It’s funny, how each of them loved the person in front and the one in front never gives a shit to look over their shoulder.

These thoughts, which permeates his mind out of the blue, brings out emotions Jehyun rather not ponder upon. What happened, happened and he can’t change the past. He’ll simply live as quietly as he has since the incident, knowing full well that he can never recover those glory days...and Sungho will never again look at him with at least a brotherly fondness. All of that went out the window when they all - every single one of them - watched Rubin sent the girl to her death.

Jehyun aggressively washes his hand under the sink in the garage when Jinwoo knocks on the door. He glances over to see the baby-faced man staring him down, hesitant. There’s no love between them for Jinwoo to seek him out so he goes straight to the point. “What do you want?”

Jinwoo seems to shrug, giving him a side-eye for his less than friendly reply. “I just wanted to know if you have cereal somewhere. I didn’t see any breakfast on the table.”

“I see, so you know who puts food on the table, after all.” Jehyun answers sarcastically, rubbing his wet hands on his shirt. “No need for cereal, I’ll cook.”

He trudges ahead of Jinwoo to the back door which links to the kitchen. The other man simply tags along silently behind him, like a young chick. Jehyun gets behind the counter as soon as he arrives in the kitchen, taking out his usual ingredients for breakfast spread while Jinwoo stays put, fiddling with the roses in the vase on the table. Despite the lack of words between them, it doesn’t feel entirely awkward. Jehyun muses that if you aren’t even close to begin with and nothing ever happens between you and the other person, situations like these cease to be awkward. Let alone with someone as non-threatening as Jinwoo.

When the platter of scrambled eggs, bacon and boiled beans in sauce is done, he serves it to Jinwoo. Grabbing his own plate of toast and poached eggs, Jehyun calmly settles himself across the other. They eat their serving without so much as a glance at each other. The entire house feels like a library without souls. Jinwoo is finishing up his meal when he suddenly speaks, and Jehyun naturally averts his cat-like eyes to meet Jinwoo’s. 

“Is it true, what you said, about Rubin having other lovers before me?”

The question catches him off guard but he doesn’t show it. Jehyun swallows his toast, and leans into his seat, fingers clasped and settling on his thighs. He nods.

“What were they like?”

“Not too different from you, I suppose. Young and beautiful, dripping with youth and naivety. Obviously all of you scream sex or something; suffice to say, they were all the perfect eye candy to hang off the arm of men like Rubin.” Jehyun answers, head tilting forward slightly with a raised brow.

“The only difference between you and them,” Jehyun gestures at Jinwoo and the empty chair beside him, “is that you’re the first guy he’s ever dated. The ones before you were all girls.”

Jehyun sees the way Jinwoo bites his lips, a tiny smile forming as he childishly play with the food on his plate. He must feel proud, Jehyun mulls, thinking that he’s the first guy to make Rubin change his pattern. The first guy Rubin actually wants to date. Jehyun doesn’t comment on it, he isn’t in the mood to rain on Jinwoo’s parade with some snide remark. Since the boy lover has shut up, Jehyun goes back to his toast, eating the leftovers on the plate.

“Jehyun,” Jinwoo calls out again. Jehyun doesn’t look up and mumbles a barely audible ‘what’ in between his chewing.

“Why did Rubin break up last time? I’m just curious, since we’re on the topic.”

  
  
Jehyun wonders if it reflects in his countenance. He wonders if Jinwoo can sense the apprehensiveness crawling in Jehyun, the slight disconcerting flecks in his eyes. He doubts it, because Jinwoo isn’t very smart to begin with, but he still wonders. Jinwoo though, doesn’t seem to see anything out of place as he goes back to picking the beans and placing them in his mouth, quiet, as if he’s giving Jehyun a berth of privacy before he answers. Jehyun silently thank him for it because he isn’t sure how he wants to answer that. He can’t possibly tell him what happened to Hyerin now, can he?

“Well,” Jehyun half-smiles, a fake one, and sighs, “she left of her own accord. I guess this lifestyle isn’t for her, so she got sick of it.”

“Was Rubin upset about it?”

“No.”

Jehyn’s answer is simple. He doesn’t bother to explain it with a ‘no, because he doesn’t love her’ or ‘no, because he expected it’, because it would feel even more like folly. It’s better for him to just give a curt answer and Jinwoo, thankfully, never brings up the subject again. Once he finishes his breakfast and leaves the dishes in the dishwasher, he goes straight upstairs. Jehyun doesn’t even get a thank you. He doesn’t expect it though, just to be fair.

Looking out the kitchen’s window above the sink, the forest spreading as far as they eye can see, the only thing separating the property’s parameter and the wilderness being the fence, his past once again creeps up, like a cat burglar tiptoeing through a house of memory, faint but always lingering. Jehyun never thinks about the past and if they do crop up, they never crop up more than once in one whole day. Yet here he is, reminiscing once again. 

He suddenly conjures Hyerin standing in the back lawn: skinny yet strong limbs - they always said she was as thin as a stick man - and her pale skin, how reddish it got when she stayed too long under the sun. She was a petite girl, Hyerin, with her luscious jet black locks which always cascaded naturally, like an ocean wave, past her neck and reaches just slightly below her breasts. Jehyun remembered the liveliness in her hazel eyes and those long lashes, deft fingers and a hearty laugh. It amazes him how he recalled these minute details of Hyerin now when he never seem to notice them in the past.

Then, Jehyun, much to his dislike, recollects as well the night he told Rubin about everything, the other boys telling him how Rubin stormed out of the mansion in Seoul with so much rage, he could have burnt down a home and slaughtered an entire village. Jehyun knew then he sealed Hyerin’s fate and earned Sungho’s hatred. To this day, he can’t fully explain his decision other than that he did it to protect Sungho. 

“He should thank me, or he would have been dead as well.” Jehyun says to no one in particular, eyes still fixed on the forest outside. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ so this is the LAST update as in, I won't be posting next week! due to schedules eh  
> ++ also, just an update if you care: this fic already has 18 chapters in total in my drafts and in drafts, it has reached the climax SOOOOOO  
> ++ my next project for 1TEAM is either a 90s Band AU fic or medieval Vampire AU so we'll see!


	10. TEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ++ some backstory amirite ladies ehehhe  
> ++ gonna keep working on this tho i am getting busy bc of uni

Rubin tells him that they can move back to the mansion. Sungho notes it down and makes the cursory call to Jehyun to let him know. The caretaker can help Jinwoo to pack his things as well as his own. Get the house in order before they leave and Sungho will drop Jehyun off at another office. Someone else will drive Jehyun to another mansion in Gyeongju where he’s supposed to be - and has been - all these years. Jehyun answers and speaks to Sungho with the usual formality. He makes no effort, this time, to be friendly. Sungho is glad for it, because he doesn’t want to play pretend, not even pretend niceties. 

“Let’s go,” Sungho remarks off handedly to Junghoon as the boy comes up to him. 

Their journey back is even more quieter than their first drive to Seoul. Sungho knows it’s mainly because he isn’t sure what to say to Junghoon, but another part of him also knows that it’s because something about the boy doesn’t sit right with him, never has. Even Rubin, a couple of times, told him that he feels like he can’t trust Junghoon entirely and Sungho, somehow, understands. Still, it’s stifling to be this quiet.

“You never talk about yourself, kid.” Sungho starts without sparing Junghoon a glance, knowing that he might not be able to elicit a response from him.

Surprisingly, Junghoon answers. The younger man clears his throat, “There’s nothing remarkable or worth talking about.”

“I can say the same for myself too, then.” Sungho chides, hoping to warm up as they get on the highway. “Mom raised me alone, dad left when I was young. Can’t even remember him.”

“Same then, but reverse our parents’ role.” Junghoon says, and Sungho catches him smiling when he takes a glimpse.

“Is that why you ended up working with Rubin, in this business? Asking us to take you in?”

Junghoon seems to hesitate. For the longest time, he doesn’t say a word and Sungho almost thought that Junghoon is ignoring him, dropping their conversation midway. Then, he sees the boy nodding, and say, “I have no family left, might as well do this, you know. No one can be mad or nag at an orphan and if I die, I won’t burden anyone. Don’t you agree?”

Sungho scrunches his nose, nodding. “Sure, aces.”

The heavy, unwanted silence rears its ugly head again. Sungho finds himself driving in relative quietness and Junghoon says not a word as they continue on their journey. He doesn’t even stop at a rest stop. Sungho feels like the air in the car is weighing on him heavily, so he’d rather make it to the safe house as soon as possible and escape this atmosphere. He really would have rather suffered angry conversations with Moon Jehyun than being in this car or even around Lee Junghoon, who is anything but friendly. Just when he thought they could have made some progress in their working relationship, the other man’s natural yet subtle hostility makes itself known. And they end up suffering from this disconcerting situation.

As the car pulls up in front of the safe house after a long drive, Sungho exhales loudly. He feels like he’s been holding his breath all along. He grabs a few of the items in the pocket of the door, and grabs the door handle to step out. Junghoon, who has been as quiet as a mute throughout, finally squeaks out a question.

“Would you have killed Lee Jaehyun if we had to?”

And suddenly, Sungho isn't quite sure what to say.

* * *

They’ve been back at the mansion for a couple of days now. There is a maze at the mansion, the back courtyard that is, and it’s likely the most somber place on the entire property. Junghoon, at least, thinks so. Another garden, filled with an exquisite display of flowers of varying shades and scents, decorate the front courtyard of Lee Rubin’s mansion. This helps a lot in terms of presenting the mansion as grand yet warm abode of a rich man. Anyone entering the property would have gasped and find themselves stunned by the beautiful courtyard and his boss, Junghoon thinks, makes no secret that he is unafraid to spend fortunes on the beautification process. The front courtyard flourishes the most during spring and summer, when the flowers bloom, fighting to catch a ray of sunlight, letting out to the world its pungent, dizzying smell which infiltrates one’s senses. Everyone on the property, high ranked or low ranked, enjoys the front courtyard the most. It’s calming, they say, and a pretty garden to look at. Everyone loves it except for Junghoon.

Sitting down on one of the stone benches hidden among the confusing maze of the dull courtyard, Junghoon finds comfort. He prefers the silence and lackluster landscape, with bushes of the same height, well trimmed. Not many people are good with mazes but Junghoon is one of the few who finds them particularly enchanting. In the past five years he’s been here, running off into this maze and sitting on this stone bench with some face carved on each of its sides, he can say that it fits his gloomy nature more than the garden full of colours. He can’t stand the smell of flowers anyway, it hurts his nose.

Junghoon lights a cigarette, but doesn’t actually smoke. He isn’t a big fan of it. Cigarettes are good for passing time though, and as an excuse for people to ignore him. Whenever he’s alone, Junghoon thinks about his father. His dear old man who’s throat was slashed and left for dead in their dingy apartment at some shady neighbourhood. They never found out who did it, not exactly, yet Junghoon knew all along who could have been responsible. As much as he resents his father - he blames the old man for his own death - he is still Junghoon’s father who took care of him all on his own. It’s not easy to just live comfortably and forget about it. The image of his father lying in a pool of his own sticky blood and the entire apartment smelling of iron, he can’t erase it from his mind. Sometimes, he still has nightmares from it. Junghoon has been spending his time trying to track down who did it. 

  
The air is cool and there’s a bit of a wind. Junghoon brings the cigarette close to his lips, taking a drag and allowing the nicotine to enter his lungs. He looks up at the windows of the mansion, the curtains mostly closed and no one peeking at Junghoon. A half-smile, more sad than happy, appears on his lips. The man who mercilessly took his father’s life, as if he was an animal in a slaughterhouse, and left him for dead for his own son to see, is in this mansion. Junghoon has been closing in on him, keeping watch, biding his time until he can kill that bastard himself...and he was going to do it a few weeks ago. 

The only thing stopping Junghoon, are the secrets that man keeps. The skeletons and monsters in his closet which he seems to guard so well. If he’s going to take down that bastard, Junghoon muses, he might as well lay his shit bare for everyone to see. Perhaps then, Lee Rubin might do the killing instead, on behalf of Junghoon.

Junghoon gets up then, throwing the cigarette butt away and stepping on it with much pressure. “Die,”


	11. ELEVEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ long chapter uwu  
> ++ TW: violence, abuse, degrading words

Jinwoo lies under the duvet although it’s almost half past noon. It’s definitely a relief to be out of the safe house and back in the comforts of the mansion. It’s almost surreal to think that a few weeks ago, there were dead bodies by the staircase and now it’s spotless. Clean. You wouldn’t think there was a dead man there. Rubin has been good to him, his boyfriend returning to his usual cheery and lustful self once he returns home. 

Jinwoo is glad to see Rubin. He notes that Rubin isn’t thin or losing weight, he’s perfectly fine and healthy. There isn’t even a cut on his body that he can notice. They’d spend the first night back at the mansion with each other, making up for those lonely nights, and although Jinwoo knows that Rubin has needs - needs that he has had to restrain over the past few weeks - he’s still hurt and sore from the roughness. He isn’t complaining though, it’s just how they have sex. It’s never gentle with Rubin, it can only be rougher than usual, judging from the love bites he has near his collarbone.

  
  
After tossing and turning in his bed for minutes, Jinwoo finally throws the duvet away from him, sitting up on the bed. He leans on the bed frame, looking out the window. He can see the front courtyard from here and smiles. Rubin has gone out today, for work he says, and takes that freak Junghoon with him. Sungho is the one that Jinwoo will have accompanying him today.  _ Jin Sungho _ .

“He’s nobody,” Jinwoo mutters to himself, fidgeting with his phone, trying to distract himself. Sungho had entered the bedroom early in the morning, asking him if he wanted to eat breakfast, that he’ll serve it for Jinwoo in the bedroom if needed. However, when Jinwoo looks at Sungho, who reverts to his usual self and not the warm man on the bench that night at the safe house, something in him stirs. He knows Sungho isn’t looking at him with the same fondness, but he can’t look at the other man without having unseemly thoughts crossing his mind. So he settled with saying no before pulling the duvet over his head.

Jinwoo sees on the phone screen that it’ll be lunch time. It's only a matter of time before Sungho comes back into the room and asks him about lunch. He doesn’t know if he can look at the bodyguard without flashing back to that night and to the many times Sungho has carried him to bed, those strong arms cradling him. Fuck, Jinwoo screws his eyes shut, why am I suddenly thinking of these things?

It’s as if Jinwoo has spoken Sungho into existence when the door to his bedroom open once he opens his eyes. Sungho walks in, dressed in his usual suit and tie attire, hair neatly parted and combed. Dashing, that’s what they call him. He isn’t bad looking, Jinwoo guesses. He tries not to look and turns his head away. Sungho saunters towards the bedside, tilting his head slightly as if to catch Jinwoo’s gaze. 

“You should come down for lunch, Jinwoo. You haven’t eaten since morning.” Jinwoo hears the soft and homely voice speak to him. He shrugs, pulling on the hem of his shirt which is too big for him. “Later.”

“I can bring the food to you, if you don’t want to get out of bed.” Sungho offers, just as he did in the morning.

“No, thank you.”

“Jinwoo, Rubin won’t like it if you don’t eat up,” Sungho tries again, and Jinwoo can feel the mattress dip slightly, indicating that Sungho is sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Please, eat your lunch...or are you unwell and have no appetite?”

He lets out a heavy sigh. Jinwoo knows he isn’t usually this way, and he, as he himself would put it, is a lover who does everything he’s told to by everyone in this mansion. He has no qualms whatsoever. It’s just that, the things he’s been thinking about since that night messes with Jinwoo’s head and if he looks at Sungho, he’ll think more. He can’t possibly use that as an excuse to Sungho. So Jinwoo merely avoids eye contact, but Sungho keeps pushing his buttons. 

Sungho reaches his hand out, placing them on Jinwoo’s forehead. The bodyguard’s warm touch startled him, and he swats Sungho’s hand away from him, quicker than anything he’s ever done in his life. Jinwoo finally regards Sungho’s face, and he can clearly see the expression of surprise on that usually peaceful face. He can’t help but to feel a surge of regret for his reflex, gasping and covering his mouth with his hands.

“Jinwoo…” Sungho starts but trails off, unsure of how to react to his sudden action.

“I didn’t mean to do that,” Jinwoo says quickly, his eyes flitting everywhere. He can’t even focus at peering over at Sungho. It’s like his nervousness kicks in right then, and he’s this blundering mess, unable to lock eyes and speak another word. Yet he tries, “I just, it’s reflex...you mean well.”

Sungho doesn’t reply, but he can see that the man is nodding. The bodyguard pushes himself up to full height, standing by the bedside. “I’ll bring food to the bedroom.”

Jinwoo doesn’t remember answering. Sungho leaves nonetheless, closing the door behind him. Finally, Jinwoo has the courage to lift his head and stared at the door. Sungho will be back soon with the food, or maybe he’ll send one of the maids to do it instead. Regardless, after making a bumbling fool of himself, he doesn’t wish to speak to Sungho again, at least not today. Jinwoo gathers himself and decides to lock himself in the bathroom until the food arrives. He’ll get out when whoever serves the food, leaves the room.

* * *

  
  
The solitary bedroom is where he returns to every end of the day. Sungho loosens his tie, taking off his suit and letting it drop to the floor. He throws himself on the single bed, almost as a person would throw themselves into a lover's arms, and it isn’t too far fetched of an analogy. The bed is warm and welcoming each time he lies down on it. Sungho covers his eyes with an arm, exhaling tiredly. 

Somehow, he recalls the way Jinwoo has been acting out since morning. The young lover of his boss refused to eat his breakfast and almost skipped on lunch. He knows Jinwoo might not be fond of him, he understands that, but it’s not as if Jinwoo finds him repulsive either. To be fair, everyone in this house has done things that make them all disgusting and horrible, himself included. Jinwoo has never turned down Sungho’s kindness or the things he does for the boy, either because of a direct order or because of Sungho himself, who wants to do things for Jinwoo, the few stuff he’s allowed to do as a secret admirer. 

Sungho turns to face the wall beside his bed. Does Jinwoo catches on that he might have feelings for the boy? Not likely. Sungho keeps himself in check well. Does anyone else notice and rats him out? That he isn’t sure, but he’s certain he’s been guarding his feelings well and if this ever gets to Rubin - if Rubin knows that Sungho  _ dares _ to even desire what’s his - he knows he won’t live to see tomorrow. Yet here Sungho is, all in one piece, and safe from Rubin’s suspicions. So what could have made Jinwoo extremely afraid of him, to the point that he can’t even look Sungho in the eye, that Sungho’s touch seemed to alarm him.

He can spend all night pondering over this but it’s useless. He’ll never know because Sungho won’t ever have the privilege of being close enough with Jinwoo to figure shit like that out. Sungho is just one of the boys in the mansion, and his life is just another life that can be taken should anything happen and be replaced within the next few weeks. What Jinwoo thinks of him or whether or not his feelings are known, is the least of his issues. It’s not a big deal, he tells himself, but he still can’t shake off how awful it feels when the object of his affection reacts to him in such a way.

Sungho slaps his cheeks, a few times, telling himself he needs to get some sleep. Rubin will need him tomorrow while Junghoon will be staying back here at the mansion. There’s no point mulling over this. He closes his eyes tightly, so much that he feels as if he might hurt his eyeballs from the pressure he’s placing on his eyes. The stream of Jinwoo’s thoughts still permeates his mind, nonetheless, and he can’t seem to stop them until sleep comes to him naturally. 

That night, Sungho dreams of Hyerin.

* * *

_ “Oppa, save me, please!” Hyerin begs, her hands tied behind her back. She’s shuffling towards Sungho on her knees, and he sees how dirty her knees are. Scraps of dry blood, the dirt from the concrete floor and fresh wounds from the friction. Hyerin, who always cares for herself, clean and prim, is pitiful on the floor. Her hair is a tangled mess, dry blood ‘adorn’ the side of her face and she has cuts on her lips. Those beautiful pair of almond-shaped eyes are barely recognizable now, a black eye in its place with bruises on her face, maybe her body too.  _

_ Sungho feel a tremor ran to his core. He realises how much it hurts him to see his lovely girl like this, and he wishes, more than anything, to save her and relieve her of her pain. Under normal circumstances, and if Sungho isn’t the person he is, he would have. However, standing in a room with his brother in arms, especially his close friend Moon Jehyun watching over him and Lee Rubin smoking at the corner of the room, he can’t do that. It pains him and it takes every ounce of courage in Sungho to hit Hyerin with the butt of his gun, and watch as fresh blood dribble down her lips, a bruise forming on her jaw. He wants to cry, he’s angry at himself for succumbing to peer pressure but he has to hold back. _

_ “Sungho,” he hears Hyerin’s voice, small, saying his name. When Sungho finds it in him to lock eyes with her again, he can easily see her disappointment. Hyerin is looking at him with those sad eyes, realising that she overestimated him and all those things he said to her are lies after all. That Sungho isn’t different, not the ideal she perceives him to be. He isn’t a beacon of hope, at the end of the day. _

_ Sungho winces and doesn’t even look at Hyerin when he harshly say, “You lying whore. We shouldn’t have picked you up.” _

_ Sungho remembers turning to look at Jehyun, who flashes him an encouraging smile, not wide enough for others to notice. He remembers thinking Jehyun is the only one who will comfort him and be the person he can depend on with this gnawing heartache and anguish. Jin Sungho has never felt so much like a traitor until this moment. He knows Jehyun will understand and stand by him in light of his own decision to hurt the person he says he loves most. All the hopes he has for Jehyun though, dissipates when he hears Rubin’s voice broke the tension. _

_ “Jehyun, tell us again about what Hyerin did.” _

_______

Sungho wakes up with a start. Cold sweat sprinkled on his forehead, his heart thumping loudly in his chest, so much as though he feels like they might burst. His breathing is ragged, and Sungho runs his hand over his face. A glance at the digital clock on his bedside table lets him know that it’s only a little past three in the morning. Sungho covers his eyes with his hands, nostalgia and pain washing over him.

Dreaming of Hyerin and that dreadful today takes him back to a few years ago, when he couldn’t sleep well, nightmares plaguing his sleep and he needs sleeping pills. Since sleeping pills would affect his alertness, Sungho rarely took them, so he used to go days without sleep. Hyerin used to be extremely lucid in his dreams. He could have sworn he felt her skin, warm and the way they prickled when it was cold, her soft, plump lips on his own and her breasts on his body as he held her tight.

Nowadays though, he stops dreaming of her. Sungho is grateful for that, because dreaming of her only serves to bring up a past he doesn’t want to remember and one he isn’t proud of. The more he forgets about  _ it _ , erasing it from his mind, the better he sleeps at night. But this unexpected nightmare which invades his sleep tonight has Sungho worried, and he’s been robbed of his sleep. 

Sungho sits on his bed for a few minutes, before rising to his feet. He crosses over to the mini fridge in his bedroom, and takes a swig of the mineral water to calm his nerves. The mansion is deathly quiet except for the occasional sound of footsteps outside, his boys doing their night duty. His own breathing is more prominent than ever in this silence. Sungho keeps the half-finished mineral water back into the fridge, closing it. He’ll try to sleep again, he tells himself, settling on his bed.

Plopping himself down on the bed, Sungho hears a soft knock on the door. Obviously, he’s startled by this, since he rarely has anyone coming by his room, especially not at this ungodly hour. He almost thought he was hearing things, hallucinating and the knocking sound is a mere figment of his imagination. Until the knock becomes more rushed, distinct and he realises there is actually someone at the door. Tiredly, Sungho drags himself to the door, and swings it open.

He isn’t sure who he expects to see at his bedroom door, probably no one in particular, but seeing Lee Jinwoo standing in front of him definitely takes him by surprise. The sleepiness isn’t wearing off Sungho yet, but he pulls himself together, straightening his back. “Jinwoo, what are you doing here?”

Jinwoo’s lips quiver. He wants to speak, but it looks as if no word is coming out of him. He’s wearing a sleeping robe over his t-shirt and shorts, and pulling the robe to cover his somewhat exposed chest underneath the thin shirt, like a shy maiden. Sungho scrutinizes the way Jinwoo shifts his weight from one foot to the other, glancing at him furtively and then at the floor. He doesn’t know what the deal is, and from his inspection, he sees no visible sign of bruises on Jinwoo’s body. In fact, it’s been a long time since the lover boy and Rubin quarreled enough to result in that, so he wonders what brings him here.

Since Jinwoo isn’t talking, Sungho decides to prod further. “Lee Jinwoo, you’re not supposed to be here. Rubin won’t like it. You better have a good reason to be knocking at my door at this hour.”

Jinwoo bites his lips, and without a warning, he pushes past Sungho and enters his room. Now, that weirded him out, and despite feeling flabbergasted, Sungho shuts the door and shifts his body to face Jinwoo. Hands resting on hips, Sungho looks over at the younger man softly. “What is it?”

“Sungho, do you...can you..God, I don’t know how to say this,” Jinwoo sighs, exasperated, running his hands through his hair quickly, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I just, I’m curious and I don’t know if I can even ask you this.”

“Ask me what, Jinwoo?”

“I need to confirm the things in my head, it’s been bugging me.” Jinwoo relays rather seriously, glancing at Sungho with an expression he can’t decipher. Whatever it is, it seems to be a matter of much importance to the other man.

Sungho shrugs, smirking, but he doesn’t intend to be condescending. “Okay, shoot, what is it?”

Jinwoo stands up, covering the minuscule distance between them and without even a second thought, he holds Sungho by the nape, brings his head closer and kisses him. It’s not anything passionate, just lips on lips, brief, and then the younger man pulls back. He’s staring right into Sungho’s eyes, as if gauging Sungho’s reaction to his impulsive action. Sungho, on the other hand, can’t help but feel like this is deja vu, flashing back to those clandestine nights and heated romance right under Rubin’s nose with Hyerin.

Blinking his eyes quickly, his mouth opening and closing, Sungho isn’t sure what to say or do. He knows he wants to shove Jinwoo away from him and reprimand him for such careless action, but finds that he hasn’t the strength to do that, instead merely breathing heavily through his mouth, a rising panic within him. Sungho finally settles his hands on Jinwoo’s arms, tightening his hold with a perplexed countenance, and says, “Don’t do this. Please. Not even for fun.”

“Are you afraid of Rubin?” Jinwoo says instead, and there is a defiance in his voice, one Sungho never detects before. He sees Jinwoo smirking, those eyes of his glistening, specks of other-worldliness in it whenever the moonlight outside catches in his eyes. “Everyone’s so scared of him.”

“You’re wrong, we’re just scared for our lives...you should too,” Sungho corrects him, a steely gaze. He means it though. “If you don’t have anything else to say or do, please leave, Jinwoo.”

Jinwoo seems to give up on whatever childish game he has in mind. His arms, which he wraps around Sungho’s neck quite posessively, drops. He gives Sungho a look that suggests he will quit this now, but he might try again in the future. In all honesty, that terrifies him slightly, not because the prospect of romancing a man scare him, but because it takes him back to six years ago. It doesn’t end well to get involved emotionally with someone and risking his own life, he knows it. 

He watches as Jinwoo purposely bumps into him upon walking out, an expression of anger, a lover scorned. Sungho doesn’t even bother to walk him to the door, turning around to stare at the door once he hears it close. He hopes Jinwoo realises how foolish it was to come to him and attempt to start something, even if it's for the hell of it. Sungho will not fall for it this time, but he will admit that Jinwoo shakes him up, even if just a little bit. Sungho calms himself, reminding his damn self that Jinwoo is similar to the stars in the sky he saw at the safe house - unreachable and he is a mere branch straining for it. He  _ must  _ know his place, and not let his stray feelings cloud his judgement, no matter how tempting. Sungho returns to bed, and tries to sleep again.

  
Outside his bedroom, a pair of eyes catches sight of Jinwoo leaving his bedroom. The owner of those eyes may not know what went down in the room, but seeing the mob boss’ lover doing something out of character is enough prerogative for him to be suspicious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ I am so SORRY for such a late, late update. Ever since uni started, I've been so occupied with stuff  
> ++ basically I have classes almost 5 days a week and even on off days, the faculty may have programs that i have to partake in :/  
> ++ I also have a competition coming up, representing my residential college so that adds to my packed schedule fhdjfd  
> ++ I still haven't finished C17/18 due to my schedule, but yeah, please forgive me ;..; i hope to find time to write soon, though I have 3 pending assignments ha ha ha


	12. TWELVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ yay update!!!

“Did you leave our room last night?” Rubin asks, checking himself out in the mirror. The question catches Jinwoo off guard, for he was really sure that Rubin slept like a log. However, he doesn’t pick up on any hint of suspicion or skepticism in Rubin’s tone. Jinwoo, still sitting on their bed, peers over to see his boyfriend struggling with the tie around his neck, making faces in the mirror. Jinwoo rolls his eyes, not exactly out of annoyance though, and makes his way to Rubin.

Grabbing the tie, which is now a complicated mess thanks to Rubin’s unskilled fingers, JInwoo starts over with tying it. He chooses not to meet Rubin’s eyes, training them on the tie instead, and answers with a half truth, “Yeah, I needed a drink. I was really parched last night.”

“From the fucking?”

Jinwoo chuckles, though he can sense crimson on his cheeks. Rubin’s crass words are not uncommon to him but he finds that it’s something that still takes getting used to for him. He pinches Rubin’s nose then, teasing him while sending him a feigned offended look for that remark. “You crude man.”

Rubin peers down at him with a playful smirk, messing with Jinwoo’s hair before his arms snaked around his waist. As soon as Jinwoo is done with the tie, Rubin pulls him close, their chests meeting, and Jinwoo, naturally, rests his head on Rubin’s shoulders, hugging him tight. This is what’s familiar to him, he realises, closing his eyes, and a recognizable fuzzy feeling bubbling in the pit of his stomach only assures him that he has eyes only for Lee Rubin. This is who Jinwoo feels comfortable with, not Jin Sungho, a mere distraction and dumb idea he still can’t believe he gives into last night. Jinwoo’s place is by Rubin’s side and he mustn't toy with any other meandering ideas.

Somehow that makes Jinwoo nuzzle his nose into Rubin’s neck, inhaling his lover’s woody and strong cologne scent and the smell of Rubin’s favourite aftershave. The mob boss reacts lovingly to his gestures. Rubin’s hand caresses the side of his cheek, his touch delicate, thumb making soothing circles. “You’re such a pretty little thing.”

Jinwoo raises his head when Rubin starts to make a move and his lover immediately captures his lips in a kiss, hands safely cupping Jinwoo’s face, and just as routine as most of everything in his life, Jinwoo understands and perceives the demanding way in which Rubin kisses him. Rubin always seems like he’s desperate for him, as if they haven’t kissed in ages, and he always wants to dominate, guiding Jinwoo into a kiss, making them both go at a rhythm and pace he enjoys. He isn’t complaining though, because Rubin is a good kisser after all.

“Love, I’ll be busy today,” Rubin manages to blurt out in between, in the space where their breaths mix, and Jinwoo merely mewls, stating his ‘yes, I get it’ without actually saying it.

When their lips finally part, Rubin is still holding onto Jinwoo’s face, and he peeks a look at his boyfriend, doe-eyed. Jinwoo knows that doing so makes Rubin happy, and he sees the way a smile forms on Rubin’s lips, the side of his eyes creasing when he smiles. Rubin lets go of his body, reluctantly, but still lingeringly holds on to Jinwoo’s pale hand. “I’ll miss you. See you soon.” 

Just like that, Rubin, reverting to his usual business self, untangled his hand from Jinwoo’s. The heat he feels just moments earlier on his skin, leaves him and Jinwoo faces the reality of who Rubin actually is. Rubin grabs his suit from the rack, mumbling about skipping breakfast with Jinwoo today, and leaves the room. The door clicks. Jinwoo stares at the door, and again, flinches when he repeats the ‘see you soon’ in his mind. Rubin still, never say ‘I love you’ to him.

* * *

Junghoon drives the car out of the mansion, Rubin sitting on the backseat, reading the morning paper. He’s driving the boss out to a meeting with a few other groups they manage to strike an alliance with. Most of the time, for such meetings, Rubin would bring him and Sungho as well as a few other boys handpicked by Sungho himself. Jin Sungho will also drive the car Rubin is in, but somehow on their way out today, Rubin asks for something out of the ordinary.

So that’s how Junghoon finds himself driving the main car while Sungho is in the black van tagging behind them. Rubin doesn’t say anything about the change and he sticks to what seems like routine in the car. Junghoon isn’t fond of making conversations either, so he simply does his end of the bargain. 

The car comes to a halt at a traffic light, the hotel where the meeting is to be held already within sight. Junghoon decides that perhaps he should say something about it, and end this stillness. Clearing his throat, Junghoon glances at Rubin from the rear view mirror. His boss still has his eyes glued on the newspaper it seems. “We’re almost there, boss.”

“We are?” Rubin throws back a question, looking back at Junghoon from the rear view mirror. He sees a smile tugging on Rubin’s lips and the man on the backseat folds the newspaper, throwing it away on the empty seat beside him. He watches as his boss cranes his neck to check the view outside, confirming to himself perhaps, that it’s time he gets ready to put on a show. Everyone knows that alliances don’t last long after all, and none of these mob bosses like each other, preferring to keep each other at arm’s length, or, as Rubin would call it ‘keep the dog on a short leash’. 

“Junghoon,” Rubin suddenly calls his name when the car starts to move again, “what do you think of Jinwoo?”

“I have no particular opinion of him. I don’t know him well.” Junghoon replies, painfully honest, and it’s enough to elicit a laugh out of Rubin. Nodding his head, Rubin good-naturedly reply to him, “You’re one honest bastard.”

“Is there anything else you’d like to ask me before I drop you off, boss?”

“Say, what do you think of Sungho?”

Junghoon pauses momentarily. He never gave Sungho much thought, mostly because he doesn’t think Sungho deserves even a fraction of his thoughts, doesn’t deserve space in his head. The man isn’t worth pondering over. Sungho is what Junghoon thinks he is since time immemorial - a cold-blooded murderer who thinks he’s different because he doesn’t enjoy the killing. A murderer is a murderer, it doesn’t matter whether he found joy in killing or not. A life is taken each time, and a person loses someone important to them. Of course, Junghoon isn’t going to blurt out these blundering nonsense, or hate infested thoughts. 

Junghoon smiles instead, trying his best to seem genuine and when the car pulls over at the hotel’s lobby, Junghoon lies, “Sungho is like a big brother that I idolise.”

Rubin makes it obvious that he casts a doubt on Junghoon’s words, but he has no time for fallacy with his schedule. Shrugging, Rubin takes his briefcase from underneath the seat behind Junghoon. Before he gets out of the car, Rubin grins at him, cynical rather than friendly, and says, “Look after your big brother well, Junghoon. Don’t let him do stupid things.”


	13. THIRTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ sorry for the hella late update but uni is killing me  
> ++ not the best excuse but life happens HEH  
> ++TW: EXTREMELY GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF VIOLENCE AND ABUSE, DEGRADING WORDS  
> ++ LONG CHAPTER, INCLUDES FLASHBACK

Moon Jehyun knows that not many bear him much love in the gang. He’ll give it to them - he’s a turncoat, he’s nothing close to trustworthy and he’s self-centered. What they don’t understand though, is that Moon Jehyun isn’t the way he is because he wants to, he’s simply behaving in a manner that will ensure his survival for the longest time possible. Maybe some fools are more than ready to die, but that’ll never be him. As long as he can live by doing the things he does, he’ll do them. Jehyun’s loyalty is only to himself, and it’s why he agrees to this meeting.

The cafe he’s found himself in is quiet, the only noises cutting through the stillness being the typing on laptops and clinking of cups and saucers. This place itself is sandwiched between other likewise small buildings from the pre-war era, now trendy for its aesthetics. Jehyun pushes the sleeve of his coat to check his watch. This person is almost fifteen minutes late, and it definitely ticks him off. He didn’t travel from Gyeongju to Seoul to be stood up, after all.

Jehyun takes a sip of his coffee before leaning into his seat. He’ll wait a bit more but if no one shows up, he’ll take his leave. It’s going to be a long drive back anyway. Jehyun is fiddling with the buttons of his coat sleeve when he hears the bell by the door frame ‘clink’ and looks up to see a familiar face. Jehyun expects to see someone from the gang, of course, who else would have called him up with ‘information’, but to see this sly kid is still a pleasant surprise. Jehyun smiles, his eyes following the kid’s every move until he settles himself on the seat across him.

“Well, well, so the devil drops his mask.” Jehyun says, scoffing. He crosses his legs, resting his hands on his knees. Raising a brow out of curiosity, Jehyun speaks again, “Cut straight to the chase - what’s your intel?”

The kid, Lee Junghoon, glares at Jehyun with so much intensity, he thinks he could have burned a hole through Jehyun’s forehead. It’s not rocket science and Jehyun has known enough people in his cheap excuse of a life to know that whatever Junghoon is going to say or ask of him, it doesn’t come from a place of need. Junghoon isn’t here because he wants to take someone down to seize power. That’s a mere addition to his real intent. His true intention, Jehyun understands crystal clear, is revenge.

“You need to tell me about  _ it _ \- I heard you talking about  _ it _ at the safe house with Sungho - and I’ll tell you what I’ve seen happen at Sungho’s room.” Junghoon demands curtly, authoritative . Jehyun can tell there is no room for negotiation, it’s either he agrees or he doesn’t. He sees that it pertains to Sungho - the man he once loved and now scorn - and Jehyun finds his curiosity piqued, eager to let the cat out of the bag.

“I see you don’t want to negotiate a deal, you just want me to spit it out,” Jehyun makes a spitting motion with his lips, “like a watermelon seed.”

“I don’t want to play with you and your complicated beating around the bush, so either you fucking say it or I’ll figure it out myself.”

“Hey, hey, relax,” Jehyun finds himself laughing, raising his arms and placing his palms forward, like he’s going to surrender, “I never said I wouldn’t tell.”

“Yeah? Then, tell me.”

Jehyun relaxes into his chair again. For a fraction of a moment, he stares at the half-finished coffee on the table, and contemplates the notion of sharing something that only he and Sungho are privy to. The years have come and gone, and the truth behind the incident is still a secret Jehyun keeps close to his heart. Even when he was ratting Hyerin out to Rubin, he only gave the mob boss a half-truth, all so he could protect Sungho, who was precious to him. He wanted to keep Sungho around, and it isn’t a lie to say he expected Sungho to understand his decision. Yet the man had only look at Jehyun with disgust, cutting off all forms of communication between them. Is Sungho still worth protecting, Jehyun wonders.

“Are you gonna take this whole fucking day to consider, because I need to be back at the hotel in an hour,” the impatient Junghoon interrupts his thoughts. Jehyun snaps his head to stare at Junghoon, and realises he sees himself in that contemptuous countenance, a similar need for vengeance. He wants to pry further about Junghoon’s motivation and delay the revelation, but something within him tells him that the boy won’t tell. Jehyun too, won’t tell about the love he bore for Sungho.

“Sorry,” Jehyun grins, exhaling, “it’s just that I never talked about it with others, so I need to gather my thoughts. I’ll start from the top, but you need to shut up unless you really need to ask me something. Understood?”

“Crystal.”

* * *

**JEONJU - SIX YEARS AGO**

One of the boys, Kwon Se Hee, drags Hyerin by the hair from her bedroom down to the basement. The young woman is clearly in pain, and Jehyun can hear Hyerin’s high-pitched voice as she screams in agony even before he catches sight of her. When Jehyun finally spots her coming down the steps to the basement, her piercing screams simply irritated him, and he wants to slap her for making such a ruckus. 

Se Hee’s hold on her hair is tight, and Jehyun wonders if Se Hee has a clump of her hair between his fingers. Hyerin is still yelling at the top of her lungs, her hand, one over Se Hee’s hand and the other hitting him, an attempt to make him stop, yet to no avail. She doesn’t even get a chance to put on her slippers, Jehyun notices, smiling to himself. Alluring, dazzling Hyerin, always donning expensive luxury brand shoes and heels, who only allows the finest piece of fabric hanging on her frame, is so pathetic now. Insignificant. That gives Jehyun a sense of satisfaction.

When they got to the bottom of the staircase, Se Hee doesn’t even try to be gentle. He roughly throws Hyerin down to the floor, like one would a rag doll. Hyerin hits the ground full force, landing on her face first and she yelps. Nobody offers to help her nor does anyone make a sound, least of all Jehyun, who is consumed with hatred against this vile woman. Hyerin spends a few seconds gathering herself, before she pushes her body up, sitting with her legs folded. There’s blood running down her nose and a lump on her forehead. Her lips seem to cut, but there isn’t any blood. Jehyun doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the apparent look of confusion on her face.

“Jehyun, why am I here?” Hyerin finally finds her voice, warily looking around her at the men in dark suits in every corner of the room. When her eyes rests on the mean Kwon Se Hee, she visibly flinches, shuddering. “Jehyun, what’s wrong?”

“You should know why you’re here,” Jehyun replies nonchalantly, playing with the pocket knife in his grasp. Hyerin lowers her gaze to the weapon and in that exact moment, he’s sure she knows what’s about to go down.

Still, everyone wants a chance at life. Everyone wants to beg, to know that they’ve done the most they can to keep their precious life. There is a knowing glint in the girl’s eyes. Without wasting even one more second, Hyerin immediately gets on her knees, rubbing her hands together and bows, really bow, until her lips kiss the floor, “I didn’t know, please! It was wrong, I’m at fault, please don’t tell Rubin!”

Jehyun isn’t one with violence, he doesn’t get much adrenaline rush from hurting others or killing people but this fueling hatred within him can only be abated if he can just hurt her - just once. Hyerin is still bowing, her head is close to his feet and he, thoughtlessly, mercilessly, kicks her in the face. He simply watches as the dainty young woman falls to the side, her hand quickly on her cheek after she takes the hit. When Hyerin lifts her face to look at Jehyun, he sees there’s blood on her lips and teeth. She’s glaring at him and he wants to rub that smug look off her face, but restrains himself. There’s something he wants to discuss with Hyerin before reaching out to Rubin about his girlfriend being a traitorous bitch.

“Everyone, get out. I want to talk with this  _ thing _ in private.” Jehyun announces. He sees the discomfort in the other boys, but a simple piercing stare is enough to get them moving. He waits until all of them have filed out, the door closed.

Jehyun circles around Hyerin, the way a predator would its prey, and he smells genuine fear in her now. She’s so scared, Hyerin is huddling into a corner, shrinking into herself. Her almond-shaped eyes peering over at Jehyun with an apprehensive look. She looks so small now. Jehyun stops walking and crouches in front of Hyerin, who finally finds the courage to meet his unfriendly gaze.

  
“You’ve been yapping about us to the Dragons, even risked Rubin’s life once. You’ve been telling them who our clients are, and let them steal business from us. We’ve been losing  _ millions _ for the past seven months. You think you’re so smart and I wouldn’t know, huh?”

Hyerin shakes, and when she speaks, she stammers, “I-i didn’t mean it, they were threatening me, I s-swear!”

“And you couldn’t tell Rubin about that? Think he won’t protect his whore, his property when someone tries to hurt them?” 

“N-no, that’s not what I meant,” Hyerin deflects, bringing her hands to cover her ears, “I just needed...I don’t know...I wanted my own e-earnings and I-”

Jehyun finally slaps her, hard. Hyerin stops stuttering, in fact she stops talking altogether. He stares at her, cold and detached. “I don’t fucking care if you want to earn coins or sell your body, really, it’s none of my fucking business. Hell, you can take down Rubin’s gang for all I care. But do you know what pisses me off? Do you?”

Hyerin shakes her head slowly, not daring to meet Jehyun’s eyes. He continues, “I’m angry because Sungho knows. He knows the shit you’re up to, and he can’t even report or tattle on you because that fool thinks he loves you. And if it weren’t for me putting two and two together, if it was someone else, I have to watch those fucking dogs beat the shit out of my own brother instead of you!”

“So it’s fine to hit me, and not Sungho?” Hyerin mutters, defiant, a smirk on her lips. “You love him, don’t you? I’ve seen the lewd look in your eyes whenever you see Sungho.” Her steely gaze locks with Jehyun’s and she scoffed, as if to insult him and rile him up but Jehyun doesn’t fall into the trap. What Hyerin says is fact but he will not grant her the benefit of his confession. 

Instead, Jehyun stands up to full height again. He peers down at the woman on the floor, and somehow, manages to muster a sincere smile. Jehyun keeps his hands in the pockets of his slacks, leaving Hyerin behind with only these words, “The boys will take care of you until Rubin comes. Have a good day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ so the pre written chapters are up to C16 so that's coming on soon oof  
> ++ i have mid sem break, but i also have tons of work. nonetheless, i'll try to write in between my assignments and programs oof  
> ++ i love you all <3


	14. FOURTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ An update!!! Yes, after months!! I am so sorry, but uni took up a lot of my time, even now in holiday I have work but fuck it  
> ++ I hope you know that I am not abandoning Trigger, and I am working on it currently since I'm on my break so please have some faith hnghhh  
> ++ Enjoy!!

Sungho doesn’t expect Jehyun to call him. A part of him wanted to ignore the call, since he has close to nothing to converse about with him. After all, Jehyun hasn’t reached out to him in ages and for him to call out of the blue is odd. Sungho’s instincts, however, reminds him to stow away any emotional attachment or resentment, that maybe something came up and Jehyun does have a reason to call him.

Hesitatingly, Sungho slides the green icon and brings the phone to his ear. Jehyun doesn’t greet him, not even in his sing-song, annoying way. His former confidant, simply states, in the gentlest tone Sungho hasn’t hear from him in years, “I’m sorry.”

Jehyun hangs up immediately, and Sungho is left confused. However, a sense of ill premonition hangs over him. Something bad is going to happen, he is able to somewhat discern that much, but he can’t figure out what it is. Shrugging, Sungho keeps his phone back into his inner coat pocket and goes back to his post, standing by the meeting room’s door.

Sungho catches Junghoon sauntering into the area from his peripheral. Funny, he thinks, he doesn’t notice when exactly did Junghoon leave the room.

* * *

The past few week passes without much hitch. Despite Sungho’s ill feeling that something bad was going to happen, nothing, in reality, seems out of the ordinary. Perhaps it’s just his brains setting off the wrong alarms. Or perhaps with every year that passes, he becomes increasingly paranoid. He can’t decide. Sungho walks around the property, drinking in the view in one of the gardens he finds himself in, after he returns from a field day. He has been out and about, getting back on the grind. Rubin has been busy and naturally, that keeps Sungho occupied too. He hadn’t been back at the mansion, and the few times he was here, he didn’t stay more than twelve hours.

It’s mid-spring, and the air feels warmer, he notices as the wind blows, bringing with it the smell of spring. The stillness in the garden makes Sungho feel as though he can hear music in the wind. It makes him smile out of the blue, in a good way. Sungho realizes right then, that he hasn’t seen a cherry blossom tree in ages. He can’t even recall the last time he saw any in the past eight years. Sungho hasn’t the time to go to a festival or anything, and for some odd reason, surrounded by these flowers and inhaling its sweet scent, he somehow misses the normalcy of life before all of this. He can’t go back, he understands that much, and dwelling on a past that he has decided to abandon is useless, but sometimes, just sometimes, Sungho wants to be a normal man.

Sungho’s sensitive ears perk up when he hears faint footsteps in the garden, and his eyes, which earlier was trained on the flowers, turns in the direction the sound is coming from. Rounding the corner of the garden, Sungho immediately recognizes Lee Jinwoo’s dainty steps. The younger man is dressed in his usual oversized shirt and tight fitting jeans, his light brown hair parted nicely in the middle. Jinwoo is always breathtaking to look at, almost otherworldly. Rubin knows how to pick his lovers, women or men, they’re all fit to stand beside him. However, this is the first time Sungho catches sight of Jinwoo in weeks, as he and the boy never seem to cross paths these days. It can be due to his schedule, Sungho muses, as he didn’t what to overstep and assume Jinwoo is avoiding him after he rejected his advances that night.

Jinwoo though, seems to be taken aback by Sungho’s presence. He sees the way Jinwoo’s halt in his tracks, blinking and swallowing his saliva nervously. Jinwoo couldn’t make it even more obvious that meeting Sungho is something he has been trying to evade. Sungho shuts those thoughts and came up with another excuse for Jinwoo: perhaps he’s unsure how to react to Sungho, after weeks of not seeing the other since...since he kissed Sungho in his bedroom that night. If you even call that brief lip on lip a kiss. Sungho doesn’t feel particularly awkward though, so he makes his way towards Jinwoo, whose body is clearly tense the closer he gets.

“Jinwoo, there’s nothing to be scared of. It’s just me,” Sungho motions at himself, cocking his head to the side and smiles, as friendly as possible. “I’m not upset at you in any way, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

He knows he need not say what is it that might have upset him, it’s like an unspoken issue. Jinwoo fidgets slightly, shifting his weight on his feet, as he did that night. Sungho sees a hint of crimson on those rosy cheeks, and Jinwoo averting his eyes. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. Sungho understands. 

Sungho keeps his hands in his pockets, inhaling sharply. “I hope you don’t treat me awkwardly. It’s really not a big deal, and I won’t tell on you to Rubin - I’m not that sort of person.”

“No, it’s not that,” Jinwoo finds his voice suddenly, locking eyes with Sungho. He merely prompts the younger man further with a slight raise of his brows. “What I wanted to ask you that night...I don’t know if I should ask you  _ at all _ , but it’s been weighing on me since...since we were at the safe house. I don’t know if you’d like it if I ask.”

“I won't take any offence, so you can just ask.”

“It’s been...I have these crazy thoughts in my head, and I don’t know why I keep thinking about it and if I look at you, these things amplify and...I can’t even ask you because it’s gonna piss you off.”

“I won’t get mad, Jinwoo. What is it?

“It’s stupid.”

“ Lee Jinwoo,” Sungho encourages, his tone firm. “Stop freaking out and tell me what is it you wanted to ask.” He sends Jinwoo an approving look, and the other man shrugs. He still looks to be hesitant and what Sungho isn’t about to do is force him. So he allows the silence to hang rather oddly between them. Jinwoo simply stands, trying to gather his words while Sungho keeps his hands behind his back, his eyes analyzing their surroundings. He doesn’t want anyone catching him alone with Jinwoo outside of his job scope, something like that can make Rubin suspicious. Even though he isn’t doing anything wrong, he still feels the need to be cautious.

Jinwoo finally clears his throat, ready to speak. Sungho glances back at him, staring at him with warmth and eagerness to know what is it that has been running around that head of his. He watches as Jinwoo finally lifts his head and meets his eyes, gazing into him with a sort of intensity. Sungho is ready to hear whatever it is that will come slipping out of those pretty, plump lips.

“Do you like me?” 

  
Jinwoo asks the question rather casually, and he blinks his eyes a few times after. Whatever nervousness that had consumed the handsome youth, seemed to have dissipated and in its wake, there’s only a man who is asking another man, whether the feelings he thinks he’s sensing, is real, and not something he makes up in his head. He knows this is a question that he somewhat expect - whatever else could Jinwoo have asked after that kiss - but Sungho isn’t sure how he should answer it. He can’t be honest, that’s too risky yet lying through his teeth, which should be second nature to him by now, as natural as killing should be, doesn’t feel right. Jinwoo is looking at him with those doe eyes, almost pleading and he can see that curiosity is killing the boy.

“Would you give me some time before I answer your question?” Sungho finally speaks up, his voice coming out smaller than he thought. It isn’t particularly because he’s afraid to answer, but more due to uncertainty. Nonetheless, he hates the weak tone of his voice. Jinwoo doesn’t reply, at least not with words. He merely responds to Sungho’s demands with a slight nod of the head. Sungho knows this isn’t the response Jinwoo is expecting or wants to hear but he needs time to figure out what answer he should give. He can’t be as spontaneous as he once was. He has to always be cautious, to think ten steps ahead, even for a question that seems simple to Jinwoo. That question carries weight and Sungho must extrapolate all possible options before he decides on anything to say.

“Okay, I’ll wait, I guess,” Jinwoo answers, the sides of his lips quipping up into a handsome smile. It’s amazing how a smile lights up his entire face. “I’ll go then.”

Sungho doesn’t say a word, but to respond with his own smile, motioning for Jinwoo to walk first. He watches Jinwoo walk away, until he disappears from view, before letting out a heavy sigh. Rubbing his face, he doesn’t know why that moment felt particularly nerve wracking. It shouldn’t be. He opens his eyes again, removing his hands from his face and Sungho stares out at the flowerbeds in front of him. 

He knows full well the answer to that question, there isn’t a need to lie to himself about that. The  _ real  _ question though, is whether the truth is something he should be telling Jinwoo. People say that honesty is the best policy and the truth is what people need to hear, but what if the truth could hurt you,  _ truly hurt you _ . What if that truth brings you down a path you can’t undo and you seal your fate the moment you know it. Would you then, prefer not to have known it?


	15. FIFTEEN

Rubin stares at the pile of documents on his work desk. On a normal day, he’d go through them, and even if he couldn’t make sense of the heads and tails of the professional terms at times, Rubin has enough wits about him to know when something is wrong with his businesses. This isn’t one of those days. Today, Rubin is sick of work, so perhaps he’s just like everyone else, after all. Just because his career raked in more money than the average person, that doesn’t mean he can’t be affected by routine.

He grabs a bottle of whiskey, always available on his desk, and pours himself a drink. Swishing the glass in his grasp, Rubin recalls the night he felt Jinwoo leaving their bedroom. It somehow sticks out like a sore thumb in his mind because he for one, knows that Jinwoo never leaves the room at night, for whatever reason and if needed to, he’d let Rubin know. Suffice to say, Jinwoo is almost like a child who wouldn’t keep secrets from him and lays everything out for Rubin to see - that’s probably the best thing about his lover, and a quality that gives him much peace after...after that whole mess with Hyerin and of course, Wonhee before her. Yet he’s starting to sense that Jinwoo is keeping something from him after that night he left the room.

Bringing the glass closer to his lips, Rubin takes a swig. He tries not to overthink it, because he’s of the opinion that Jinwoo might be smarter than the girls who came before him, with a degree and all, but he’s definitely not as capable as them. He wouldn’t dare keep secrets or stab Rubin in the back, would he? Maybe it’s just Rubin’s anxiety and paranoia nagging at him because it’s been too quiet for too long.

Still, Rubin doesn’t think he can simply forget it happened, or the way Jinwoo seemed hesitant the morning after to tell him why’d he left the room. The only way for his nagging thoughts to shut up, is for him to confirm that Jinwoo really isn’t up to any sneaky business and he’s still the foolish boy he took in. 

Rubin leans into his chair, and talks to himself. “Who should be keeping an eye on him? Sungho or Junghoon?” He smiles, staring up at the ceiling as he tries to make up his mind.

* * *

It’s been a week since Jinwoo gathered the courage to ask Sungho if what he thinks the other man is feeling is true. Jinwoo had chided himself the morning after he tried to kiss Sungho for being reckless and for thinking that even if the feelings were real, that he should pursue it. He, more than anyone else, should know that cheating isn’t an option when you’re Rubin’s lover but he can’t get Sungho out of his mind. It doesn’t help either that although Sungho rejected his advances, Jinwoo feels something.

If Jinwoo closes his eyes now, he can still recall that despite being thick with sleep, Sungho was still warm. His lips were moist, almost like a welcoming cavern and though those lips never kissed him back, that brief touch made Jinwoo eager to know how much better it would be if those lips responded. Their breaths mixed temporarily and in that moment too, Jinwoo smelled how homely Sungho is. And his voice. Even when Jinwoo knows Sungho was reprimanding him for thoughtlessly coming down and trying to seduce him, his tone was still gentle, and he wondered how it would be if he can hear Sungho’s voice right next to his ear.

“Fuck, what’s wrong with me?” Jinwoo snaps himself out of it, slapping his own cheeks. He can’t believe he got carried away with his thoughts, “No, it’s really nothing, Jinwoo. Stop imagining things.”

Jinwoo rubs the palms of his hands on the side of his jeans. He needs to do something to get rid of such intrusive thoughts. He really, really needs to do so because Sungho clearly isn’t feeling the way he thinks and the bodyguard has seemed to switch their roles - Jinwoo now notices Sungho avoiding him as much as possible unless Rubin asked him to stick with Jinwoo. That makes Jinwoo wonder if Rubin, who’s very observant, notice Sungho’s eccentricity in the past one week.

There’s a knock on the door, startling Jinwoo whose train of thoughts has yet to cease. It seems like all he does these days is think. Rubin too, pointed out that he’s been more quiet rather than his usual chirpy self around the mob boss. The knock is louder now, urgent and Jinwoo crosses the distance from his wing chair to answer the door. 

Jinwoo knows not to expect Rubin, because it’s not past two yet so it’s still his boyfriend’s working hours, however, seeing Jin Sungho standing in front of his room with such a stern expression isn’t expected either. Jinwoo opens the door, but doesn’t make to move aside and allow the other man into the bedroom. He simply sizes Sungho up, and ask in the most casual tone he can muster, “What do you want?”

Sungho, clearly taken off guard by his question, frowns his brows. “You should know why I’m here, Jinwoo.”

“Oh,  _ that,  _ isn’t it?”

Sungho nods, and Jinwoo prods further. “So, what’s your answer? That I’m an airhead whore who’s way in over his head? I overestimated myself and imagine things and you’re here to tell me to cut it out and not put your life on the line?”

Maybe he speaks too fast, he’s unsure if Sungho catches his words. Jinwoo scrutinizes the bodyguard who’s been present for as long as he can remember this life with Rubin. Sungho, whose face is always a mask of composure and certainty, who never falters with his actions and words. Now, Jinwoo doesn’t see that Sungho anymore. Instead, in its stead, he sees a man who’s unsure and although he tries to be subtle, Jinwoo notices how his eyelids are shaking and his hitched breathing. For the first time, he sees Sungho biting his lips. He wants to ask another ‘so, what’s your take?’ to Sungho, just to calm the other person’s nerves, but Sungho beat him to it.

“Whatever it is you think I feel, it’s true.” Sungho looks down on his feet, letting out a heavy sigh, as if he had been carrying this burden, “But I hope you don’t put me in a position in which I would have to act on those feelings.”

This time, Sungho catches Jinwoo’s gaze. His jaw seems to clench for a moment, before he relaxes again but Jinwoo sees there’s concern in his eyes. There’s real fear. He wonders why that is and once again, he isn’t sure if he should ask. Would Sungho even tell if he asks, though? Rubin can be the reason for that fear, and in all honesty, Jinwoo is scared of the repercussions too so he can’t say he’s entirely fancying the idea of an affair that will push all of Rubin’s buttons.

He must have been quiet for far too long, and so Sungho fills the silence with a firm warning. “Now you know how I feel, don’t ever come into my room again. Don’t do anything that can make me misstep, Jinwoo. Please, it’s the best for both of us. I can love you with all my heart but there can never be anything between us. Understood?”

Jinwoo finds that all the words escape him. The only answer he could give is a mere nod of the head. Sungho takes it as Jinwoo getting the memo. He watches as the bodyguard straightens up again, seemingly a lot more at peace now that he’s got it off his chest. It’s only then did Sungho offers him a smile, and Jinwoo finds that this is a first. The first time he’s seeing the head of security smiling at him with genuinity and warmth but there also seems to be some melancholy to it. Jinwoo parts his lips, ready to say something again, a request he feels like he should ask of Sungho at least once before he entirely turns away from the man.

Perhaps Sungho, whose perceptions are keen, picks up on what Jinwoo’s intent is. He doesn’t wait for Jinwoo to ask, nor does he make haste to leave the doorstep. Sungho, still his calculated, restrained self, steps closer towards Jinwoo and once he closes the gap, Jinwoo registers his gentle touch when Sungho’s hands makes contact with his cheeks. They stare right into each other’s eyes, as though imploring the other one to be quick, to satisfy what’s inside just this once. Jinwoo feels his heart beating so loudly in his chest, so much that its thumping makes him wonder if his heart will fall out. Sungho doesn’t rush it, slowly bringing his lips closer, his nose bumping into Jinwoo’s for a moment and he nuzzles it. Jinwoo finds himself smiling at the action and he knows Sungho is too. Sungho’s lips are still as soft as that night, and when they land on his own, Jinwoo is eager to please. He opens his mouth, responding to Sungho’s kiss and immediately, he notices how gentle and careful Sungho is even with kissing. No biting or tongues involved, no aggressiveness. Just someone who’s clearly trying to remember what’s it like to kiss someone he will never, ever, kiss again and taking their time.

Jinwoo snakes his arms around Sungho’s waist to bring him closer. Sungho doesn’t reject his touch now, merely whimpering. They kissed for what feels like an eternity, each refusing to be the one to break the kiss, but ultimately they both know they are in a compromising position. Someone could see them out here, so they need to quit it before that happens. It’s Sungho who breaks the kiss, and it’s odd that Jinwoo misses those lips as soon as it leaves his. He stares up at Sungho who untangles Jinwoo’s arms around him, bringing those arms back by his sides.

“There, I’ve kissed you. That will be our first and last,” Sungho tells him, half-smiling, “Be good to Rubin. Take care of yourself and live as long as you can.”

Jinwoo stays rooted to his spot, unable to move. But Sungho, the lithe and professional man he is, gets over it quickly. He switches back to his stoic expression. Jinwoo watches as the man he finds himself infatuated with since their escapade at the safe house, walks down the corridor, disappearing as he rounds the corner. 

Things will never be the same again now. Jinwoo will never be able to look at Sungho as innocently as he used to. He can never kiss Rubin again without having flashes of the taste of Sungho’s lips on his own. And Jinwoo is aware that there is an innate part of him that agrees that this won’t be their last kiss. There is a fine line between employer and employee, a bodyguard and the one he guards. Once the line is crossed, whether you take two steps in or ten, something has changed. It’s irreversible.


	16. SIXTEEN

Jehyun never feels guilty. It’s not that he is incapable of it, it’s simply because he has nothing to feel guilty about. It was definitely freeing to spill the truth about the affair involving Sungho and Hyerin, and its grisly consequences. It was honestly a shocker for Jehyun as well, how easily the words came tumbling out of his lips and Junghoon who listened to it all intently. In retrospect, Jehyun realizes he served the younger boy pure truth and honesty regarding the past, yet Junghoon divulged very little details about what he knew. 

“It’s your turn now, kid. What is it that you have intel on? What is it about Sungho that you’re itching to tell me?” Jehyun had asked, cocking his head to the side, his cat-like eyes sending Junghoon an inquisitive look.

The younger one seemed to have nerves of steel. He wasn’t the least bit deterred by Jehyun, hell, maybe nobody scared him, not even Lee Rubin. Junghoon exhales, not out of tiredness, but just to warm himself up before saying those next words.

“So he’s a repeat offender.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, that sly son of a bitch likes everything that belongs to Rubin,” Junghoon’s eyes flit up to eye Jehyun,an eyebrow raised, “because I think he’s going to try something with the boy lover too.”

  
  
Opening his eyes as he sits on the wing chair in his living room, Jehyun stares up at the ceiling after recalling his meeting with Junghoon. The boy didn’t give him much details, other than he suspects Sungho might have feelings for Jinwoo and initiate an affair - in the same fashion of the entire Hyerin fiasco from six years ago. It’s worthless information, to be honest, and Jehyun realises that it isn’t even worth the same as the information he has on Sungho. What Junghoon has are merely theories, hypotheses. Nothing is confirmed, yet he somehow didn’t negotiate a deal and got himself duped.

Jehyun laughs right then, a little too loud and takes a sip of his oolong tea. He knows perfectly well why he didn’t hesitate exposing Jin Sungho to the bitter Lee Junghoon. Frankly, Moon Jehyun is tired of protecting someone who doesn’t love him and treats him like an outsider. He never even got a ‘thank you’ for covering Sungho’s involvement in Hyerin’s mess, and placing all the blame on the girl. He sees no point in keeping Sungho’s dirty little secret anymore and Sungho is a fool if he thinks Jehyun is willing to die for him, taking the knowledge to his grave. 

And Junghoon, well, his agenda isn’t clear but Jehyun knows vengeance when he sees it. That was hatred in his eyes. Personally, he doesn’t want to know who Junghoon actually is and how Sungho had hurt him.

“It’s the beginning of the end for you, Jin Sungho,” Jehhyun smiles at no one in particular.

* * *

“Why do you need us to keep tabs on Jinwoo?” Sungho speaks up, once Rubin finishes explaining what he needs both of his two best security members to do. He isn’t going to deny that he is rather confused by Rubin’s sudden suspicions of his beloved, which, in some ways, makes Sungho feel unsafe. “I thought you said he is tame.”

Rubin, however, raises both shoulders. “I know, he’s been a good boy but...I don’t know, I feel like he may be up to something these days...maybe it’s not true and I’m being paranoid but if it is….”

  
  
“...If it is, you need to get rid of the parasite that lives off your kindness, boss,” Junghoon continues for Rubin, and the mob boss nods, clicking his fingers as if to say ‘bingo’. Sungho immediately glances over to stare at him. Junghoon’s features betrayed no emotion, saying those words rather nonchalantly. It scares him and it’s rather unnerving to hear the younger one say those words. Sungho exhales, nodding his head, more in understanding of Rubin’s requests than in agreement with Junghoon’s words.

“Anyway, if he is up to anything fishy, let me know. I’ll deal with him myself.” Rubin adds further, pouring whiskey into all the empty cups on his desk, “I don’t want any of you touching him first, alright?”

“Yes, boss.” 

“Good, now,” Rubin motions at the filled cups of alcohol on the desk, taking one for himself. Sungho does what is expected of him, taking a cup and sipping on it. He can never, ever like the taste of the whiskey, but downs it anyway whenever Rubin offers it to him.

“Boss, I’ll take my leave first.” Junghoon says as soon as he places the empty cup back where it belonged. “Have a good day.”

Sungho can’t stop himself from having his eyes glued on the boy’s figure, watching him intently until he leaves the room. When the door clicks shut, Rubin clears his throat and Sungho’s attention is once again focused on his employer. Earlier, his boss had a friendly, smug expression but Sungho notices that it has melted away. In its wake, there’s a clear unhappy countenance and Rubin’s piercing stare is now on Sungho.

“Do you know anyone Jinwoo might have gone around meeting at night, leaving the bedroom at ungodly hours?”

Sungho doesn’t know what sort of question he was expecting from Rubin. He muses that he can half-expect a question about whether Jinwoo is cheating on him or if he’s up to...up to the same traitorous thing Hyerin did. Sungho would be able to answer these questions truthfully. However, the question Rubin is asking him at this very moment, their eyes locking and with an indecipherable emotion in those black eyes, Sungho can feel himself getting uncomfortable. The situation in that question is oddly specific to the time when Jinwoo had gone down to his room, kissing him. Does he know, Sungho thinks to himself.

Nonetheless, Sungho manages to maintain his oblivious expression. He shakes his head, finding the strength to stare back at his boss. “Not that I know of, boss. He’s a good kid, I don’t think he dares to do anything that will upset you.”

“I thought the same of Hyerin too,” Rubin reminds him, a half-smile etched on his lips, “we both know how that panned out, didn’t we?”

At the mention of Hyerin’s name, Sungho feels a lump in his throat. Even in death, the girl still has a grip on him, he thought, it’s almost laughable. Still, Sungho puts on a brave face, lowering his gaze to the desk. “I know, boss.”

“Just do what I ask you to, okay. Tell me if he does anything strange.” Rubin says, pouring himself another glass, “you’re dismissed - and oh, tell Jinwoo to come down when you see him. He has needs to satisfy.”

“Yes, sure,” he answers, swallowing the ill feeling in his throat. Sungho turns away, stepping out of the office. Junghoon is just outside, talking with one of his newest recruits, Lee Hangyul, who is too talkative for Junghoon, in all honesty. The former notices Sungho staring and snaps his head to meet his gaze. For a second, Sungho swears he sees a smile on Junghoon’s lips, directed at him, before he returns his attention to the animated Hangyul.

Sungho shakes it off, and quickly goes up to relay Rubin’s message to Jinwoo. As he ascends the stairs, with each step, Sungho is perceptive of an emotion that’s growing in his heart. The same emotions and sentiment he once felt for someone, a long time ago. It’s definitely Sungho’s fault for planting the seed of infatuation, because he now senses that it’s now flourishing into a full fledged emotion - love. This is what he feels for Jinwoo now. And with love comes everything else - the need to protect, the desire for physical contact, the jealousy. Jeopardizing emotions that Sungho needs least at this point in his life, for they will not only ruin him but also the person he chooses to love.

Once he arrives in front of the bedroom door, Sungho wants to knock, quickly relay the message and leave. Instead he finds himself stopping midway, his knuckle just a few meters away from the door, unable to find the strength to tell Jinwoo what Rubin wants from him. Unable to send naive, innocent Jinwoo away in the arms of someone who doesn't adore him the way he thinks that person does.

  
  
“No, pull yourself together, Sungho,” he mutters to himself underneath his breath. Sungho closes his eyes tight, gathering his courage and does what he does best. Just like an actor, he puts on the mask of indifference and knocks hurriedly on the door until the dainty, beautiful man behind the door opens it. He doesn’t waste even one second to drink in how handsome Jinwoo is when the shock of brown hair and pale face grace the door frame, as he usually would, and instead hurriedly informs him, “Rubin needs you in the office.”

Then, he turns on his heels and walks away without turning his back. He doesn’t wait for a reaction or for Jinwoo to look into his eyes, and say something, anything. Because Sungho knows that if that were to happen, he would be too powerless to fend off his own heart. His own desire to tell Jinwoo that he prefers if the young man leaves Rubin. His own desire to kiss those lips again. He would not want to compromise his life or Jinwoo’s life, not again. So Sungho, upon acknowledging his own feelings, decides that the most logical course of action is to kill his own heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE, LFE HAS BEEN CRAZY  
> -no guarantees for the next one but i'll try aight


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